Today is the day I would have either been bringing my first child into the world, holding my first child in my arms or gearing up for the big moment. Yes, I'm sad. I'm very sad. I spent the weekend with my mom and took today off from work. If I let myself, I'll cry all day... not because I don't love and appreciate the life growing inside of me now, but simply because I miss what could have been. What I wanted so badly was never in God's plan for Matt and me, which is very difficult to accept.
I came home to a gorgeous vase of white roses and pink lillies from my dear friend, Andrea who never forgets and never reduces anyone's pain. I know some family and friends were ready for me to be "over" this sadness weeks after it happened. But when you lose a baby, whether you met that little one, felt kicks or only knew its soul for a moment, you don't ever get over it. Thanks for never forgetting my sadness or making me feel like it was time to move on:)
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Yes, it really exisits. THAT many women and couples have lost their precious little ones. It's nice to have a day when we're "allowed" to feel the pain and sadness, no matter how long ago it happened. Matt's aunt had 6 miscarriages, was blessed with 2 beautiful daughters who are in high school and college now. Her pain is still there, decades later.
My friend and labor buddy, Suzie, was due yesterday, October 5th and, like me is expecting again. I know the day was not an easy one for her either.
Another brave woman, Stacy, will deliver her son, Isaac, tomorrow and every second is in God's hands. Her time with her baby boy may be very short, but please pray for a miracle or His reassurance on her heart, whichever way this goes.
And on a happier note, my friend Lisa is experiencing some very promising pregnancy symptoms! But as anyone who has gone through the misery of trying to conceive knows, all hopes are backed closely with guarded doubt. Please pray that if this is the right month, she and her husband will be holding a beautiful healthy JUNE baby this summer!!!