Tuesday, January 27, 2009


I won a nice l'il award, guys! From the beautiful (and newly PREGNANT!) Jenn, who was sweet enough to give me an award a couple months ago, but I was too lazy to actually do my thang although I appreciated it very much:)

The rules of the award:

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

1. I am starting to miss work and am looking forward to my return in a few weeks.

2. Even though I will have Lilly pretty much with me every day, I think I will cry when I drop her off at the nursery on the first day. I realize how lucky I am, considering I will be able to hear her cries from the other side of the wall while I'm at my desk, but I think the idea of her being old enough to go to "school" is going to sadden me.

3. When I was in 2nd grade, I lost the school spelling bee on the first round. I spelled BAG backwards.

4. I thought I got off lucky with no stretch marks from my pregnancy... until about a week ago when I noticed some pesky little lines below my belly button. They were hiding underneath my big ol' pregnant belly all that time! I kind of like them though. I like to think of them as a souvenier from Little Beansies, back when she was all mine.

5. In the summer time I love to have the AC on with the ceiling fans blowing while I'm bundled up in a sweatshirt and wrapped in a blanket. Matt can't stand it.

6. I think my daughter looks a little bit like a boy. I spent $20 on 4 barrettes on etsy yesterday to help girlify her a little.

7. Losing Little Weetzies was the saddest thing I've ever been through, but because of it, I was introduced to a group of incredible women who have become very dear to me. We met under terrible circumstances, but I'm glad we did.

8. I get irritated when people use more than 3 dots as an elipses.

9. I woke up the other morning and felt crampy. I immediately thought "Oh no, the baby!" before I remembered I was no longer pregnant. It made me a little sad. When AF showed up later that day, I was slightly excited at the idea of being able to get pregnant again. Have I lost my mind completely?

10. In college I was in a sorority and hated about 95% of everything it involved. When Lilly goes to college, I'll want her to choose her own path and if that includes "sisterhood" then so be it, but I'll secretly be hoping that she doesn't take that route.

I'm awarding this to the following brilliant and beautiful blogs:

My Dear Gherkin

Monday, January 26, 2009


Ho hum, I don't do anything but take care of the babe. And so... more pictures:)

(Unfortunately they are all pretty bad. It is SO hard to take a non-blurry picture of Lilly! Well, unless she's sleeping, I suppose. But what fun is that?)

Mary Jane socks... making chicken legs adorable, one baby at a time.

Our first walk!

A wave & a smile:) (Lisa, notice which blanket is tucked underneath the quilt?!)

My beautiful Lillers

Ohhhh, really!

All bundled up for her second walk

Sunday, January 25, 2009


Lilly is officially five weeks old now. When we first came home from the hospital and realized what a challenge a newborn would be, I kept telling myself to just get through the first six weeks and we'd be able to breathe a little easier from there on out. It seemed like an eternity away, with every sleepless night, projectile reflux episode and torturous bath time, but now look... in less than one week our little Lilly will be a six-week old!

Our days have become so much more fun. Lilly now watches me when I talk to her, follows my face when I move from side to side, gazes at pictures on the wall (her favorites are two black and white framed photos taken by Molly, who took our outdoor maternity pictures-- she lifts her head all the way off my shoulder and looks up with her cute little nose pointed to the ceiling and just stares for minutes on end), and loves to listen to me sing to her. Despite my bank of zillions of preschool songs, I find myself resorting to old sorority songs as they seem to be the only ones that come to mind when I need to come up with something fast. When it's not sorority songs, it's made-up jingles about her big feet or anything involving Willy, Billy, Silly, Frilly... or anything else rhyming with Lilly!

Every morning after her first bottle (usually around 8:00), we lay down on the floor and practice kicking and stretching. Lilly stares up at the lights on the ceiling fan or whatever else she can see. Once she starts to fuss, I roll her over for some tummy time, which I am so happy she has come to enjoy! She can usually last about 10 minutes before she's ready to be picked up again. She is getting so strong and can hold her head up and switch it from side to side. I find it funny how mesmerized she is by the television. Usually I'll prop her up in my lap after tummy time and she'll stare at whatever is on TV-- usually something totally inappropriate, like the Real World or The Hills.

She now sleeps in her crib at night, which both shocked and relieved me. I didn't think she would adjust so easily, but Grandma laid her down for a nap in the crib one moring while I was getting my hair done and since then, it's been a breeze! She sleeps propped on her side, but usually wiggles around so much that by the end of her nap she's on her back. She doesn't like starting out on her back because of the reflux, but evidentally it's not a problem if it happens while shes asleep. She loves her Sleep Sheep, which her Aunt Suzanne found-- thank you, Aunt Suzanne!! It's a little stuffed sheep that attaches to her crib and plays different sounds. She prefers Spring Rain:)

I have finally gotten to a point where I could see us doing this again. I am starting to have a lot of fun with my little girl. It makes such a difference being able to interact, even the slightest bit. I am excited about the weeks and months to come as I know it will only get better. The next milestone I've got my eye on is three months. Until then, I look forward to watching Lilly grow day to day as she teaches me what it means to be a mommy.

Check out etsy seller PickySticky or pickysticky.com for the monthly birthday stickers seen on my little model!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Lilly had her 1 month check up today! A medical student from OU was with Dr. A today, which made for a very informative appointment. He explained things to her and questioned her on a few others, giving me a nice little lesson in femoral arteries, reflexes, neuroblastomas, thrush and all kinds of other little goodies that explain what he's always doing during all that poking and prodding. (So far, Lilly is like her Momma- she's been to the doctor every week of her life! Embarrassing for Mom, necessary for Baby.)

Here's where Little Beansies stands:

She went from being in the 5th percentile for height/weight and below the 5th for head measurement (I was convinced this meant she had a small brain) to the 50th perecentile! 9lbs 2oz, 20.75 inches long, 14 inch noggin.

She has outgrown the Babinski foot reflex (where the spread their toes when you stroke the sole of their foot).

She has a prescription for Levsin drops, an antispasmodic drug that should calm her bowels at night time and eliminate her colicky episodes. She was doing really well, but is still having a lot of rough nights. Dr. A believes she's dealing with gastro-colic reflex and this should really help her get through the tough nights. He used it with all 3 of his kids and she can take it every night, so even though it seems extreme, I feel OK giving it a try.

She also has a prescription for Zantac to help with the Reflux, but we're going to hold off on filling it until we see how she does with the Levsin drops. She has gained a very good amount of weight (yay!!) so I'm not overly concerned with the Reflux, unless it's causing her pain.

She goes back in 2 weeks and then 2 weeks later it will be time to start the vaccinations! Dr. A calls it her "uh oh" appointment, but after holding her through a dozen blood draws for the jaundice where they'd stick her heel and then squeeze and scrape the blood into a vial over and over and over for about 5 minutes straight, the shots should be a piece of cake. It's the side effects I'm worried about! Poor Lilly.

Great appointment! I can't wait to see if the Levsin works tonight... if so, this will be a Godsend!


So we've decided if we ever have another bambino, he or she MUST arrive in the springtime...or at least the fall. This winter crap is for the birds! (Well, not really. Even they skip town in the winter.) I would love to take Lilly for walks in her stroller, sit outside with our neighbors, go hiking with her and the dog... anything but sit around cooped up in the house all day.

However, we did get out yesterday (even Midas came along for the ride) for my appt. and then drove around for a little while, since Lilly loves the car so much. She did well at the doctor's office, but I had to feed her, take her out of her seat, bounce her around the exam room while we waited forrreeevver for Dr. S. Only, to find out that my BP is back up, and therefore so is my dosage. One of these days I'll get back to normal.

I am super excited for the arrival of my etsy Earthsling though! It shipped from Australia on Monday, so maybe I'll get it early next week? It's apple green and looks like so much fun. I debated whether to go through with getting a sling because I was worried that Lilly would end up napping in it too much and would never nap in her bed if she got used to the snuggliness of always sleeping on me. But now that she's becoming a CRIB SLEEPER (!!), I don't think I have to worry about that. It'll be really helpful to have my hands free during the day and when I go back to work, I'll be able to keep her with me when things are quiet, like around 4:30. Otherwise she will always be the last baby in the nursery and I was the last kid picked up from soccer practice enough times to know that no one wants to be last! Including the teachers!

I also ordered something really neat for Lilly's monthly photos, so her 1 month pic will be delayed a few more days until it arrives. But I will tell you that a) it's gonna be sickeningly cute and b) it's gonna be sickeningly cute!

Here are a couple pictures until then...

Baby's first mullet. Business in the front, party in the back.

Absolutely worth the wait:) (Lisa, if you have a girl, this one is all yours!)

Play time makes me sleepy!

I don't know, do you think she likes her crib?!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009



Miss Lilly turned one month old yesterday and I'm already a slacker mom with the 1-month photo. Although, truth be told, I had her bathed, coiffed and all decked out in an adorable outfit from her Auntie Lisa and then she proceeded to barf all over it before I had taken the picture. Babies;) I might get back around to it this week.

Today I have to venture out to the doctor with Beansies-- something I have severe anxiety over, but I know I need to get over my fear eventually. This appt. is for myself though and I worry about her getting fussy (although with Lilly it's either calm or frantic-- not much in-between "fussiness") and not being allowed to bring her with me anymore. Are there rules about that? Like at the salon? Thankfully this is the doctor who delivered her, so I could always blame it on the fact that she almost dropped Lilly upon entering the world... and throw in that she almost offed me along the way as well:)

Well, after a long night of the sweet pea being wide awake, gassy and crying, she is conked out napping in her carseat, ready to go. I just hope when I have to get her buckled in and put those little arms through the teeny straps all hell doesn't break lose. And for the record, I have never witnessed such loud and stinky farts coming from such a tiny little thing. We've got some major blackmail video footage to use against her someday!

Friday, January 16, 2009


This post is dedicated to the beautifully talented Katie at The Happy Hours who also has a craft and knitting blog, Katie's Crafts that I highly recommend you check out. She can even spin and dye her own yarn, making her creations that much more amazing. Also, word on the street is that Katie is going to start selling her work on etsy, so stay tuned for more on that!

And now for Lilly and her adorable sweet pea hat! The lighting in our house wasn't that great and photographing babies is harder than I thought, so unfortunately these aren't the greatest pictures:( Next time Lilly gets professional photos taken, I'm going to be sure to get some with this hat!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I am in awe over the sweetness and generosity of Lilly's "Internet Aunt Katie" and her sweet Momma! Lilly receieved THE MOST ADORABLE knitted sweet pea hat in the mail and I can't even tell you how much I love it!! Katie, you are one talented girlie and I just think it is awesome that you make these precious gifts for all these babies!! They are all so lucky!!

I know you are all dying to see this sweet masterpiece, but you are going to have to wait! It requires a proper photo shoot, which will take place this afternoon:) Stay tuned and you will be thoroughly warm & fuzzified!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Gosh, it's really hard to keep up to date on posts with a newborn baby hangin' around! Thankfully we had our wonderful friend, Lisa, visit us over the weekend, which gave us that extra set of hands that we desperately needed. Lisa was so good with Lilly and is a natural Mommy. I can't wait for God to bless her and her husband with their much-deserved miracle. While she was here I finally got to try my hand at the new Wii Matt's parents gave us for Christmas. It was so fun! I pretty much stink at every game, but I'm thinking as Lilly's naps get a little longer I might get some good practice time in:)

My Aunt Pam came yesterday to help me out while Matt was gone. He had meetings all day and didn't get home until 11pm, plus Lilly had a doctor's appt. to discuss her most recent Reflux issues, so having her here to lend a hand was a blessing. And did I mention that Matt did the 2am feeding, while Aunt Pam did the 5am... which meant I slept from about 11:30 to 7:45am??? I got up a couple times to get the bottles ready, but gosh that was a lovely break!

Today I was able to go to the doctor for another check up on my blood pressure and Paxil progress. My BP is now down to 120/80 so I can start weaning off the Labatelol over the next 8 days and then I'll be done! It was 120/70 before it started to get out of whack, so that is great. And the Paxil is doing its job nicely. I have not cried once since I started taking it! I feel so much better.

And finally, Lilly's newborn pictures are ready! Here is the link-- the first several thumbnails are birth announcement samples and then the real photos begin after that. Do you have a favorite announcement???


Thursday, January 8, 2009


Some pictures to celebrate what could have been Lilly's birthday... it's hard to believe she could still be in my belly right now! Instead, Happy Almost 3 Weeks, Munchkin!

Bath time! I haven't decided if I like this or not.

Moments before the wailing began. It seems Lilly is OK with the bath part, but HATES the afterbath;)

Daddy and Lil

I don't see what the fuss is all about. Do I look like I'm capable of screaming bloody murder?

Grandma getting Lilly all swaddled up!

"Enough, Mom!"

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Another good night here last night! And my little angel pooped... a real poop! Now I know for sure that that the regular formula was the culprit of all the agony. Before, what we were finding in her diaper was just plain scary!

And to answer your question, Nine, yes the Paxil was prescribed. I don't really know much about anti-depressants and did zero research (who has time for that?), so I just went with what she recommended. She wrote the Rx for 3 months, so maybe that's all she's thinking it will take. Any time you need anything, you let me know!

And that goes for all of you girlies who read this and have commented about PPD. I'm no expert and all I can do is share my experience with you, but I'm always here:)

Please pray that tonight we continue to see improvement with Sweet Lilly (we're hoping her nighttime alter ego, Devil Lilly, has left town for good.)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I only have a few minutes to update, but a few good things have happened in our household in the last 24 hours:)

1. Lilly went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed with having Colic. Her pedi also felt like her formula was the cause of a lot of her discomfort, so we switched to Similac Isomil, the soy-based formula. She also takes the Mylicon drops BEFORE eating.

2. Matt's mom came down to help for a couple days and did all of the night feedings last night. I went to bed at 10 and slept until 7:15 this morning! I got up several times to check on Jenny and Lilly, but barely even noticed. I was amazed by how quiet it was every time I came out to the living room!

3. All was actually so great that Lilly had two 3-hour stretches of sleep AND she took 2 bottles in a row TWICE! She must really love her new formula and the fact that her stomach doesn't become upset when she eats. That is such a relief to me.

4. I'm not so sure she really does have Colic, although that was just one night and I don't want to jump to the conclusion that she is cured and every night will be so smooth. But wouldn't that be great if it was the case?

5. I went to my doctor today and am now on Paxil to help me deal with everything. Even sitting in the waiting room, when I heard my doctor's voice I was already crying. I cry all day long, about everything and once I start it's all downhill from there. Most of the time I'm using Lilly's burp cloths to wipe my own face dry. I have no apetite. I have so much anxiety over having to do the littlest things for Lilly-- and then the next day it's no big deal-- but then the next day it's a huge challenge. Most of the time I just want to be left alone. I want to get away from everything. Dr. S said all of this is normal for a lot of women and given my never-ending string of problems during my pregnancy, labor, delivery, recovery and then Lilly's rough start with Jaundice and Colic/Digestive problems, it's no wonder I feel so overwhelmed. I'm really hopeful that the Paxil can help me see a little straighter and just feel happier. I so want to enjoy this time with my daughter and not feel so aggrivated or detached.

6. Even Midas is happier today! He's been playing like a maniac in the living room for the last hour and just seems back to his old self. Maybe he realizes that we do still love him and that stinky, noisey little thing we keep carrying around can actually quiet down from time to time afterall!

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Some of you asked if I would share about PP Depression. I have two doctor's appointments this week (Mon. and Tues.) and will have more to share about the issue afterwards. I wasn't sure I wanted to put it out there on my blog, but this has been one of my constant, reliable outlets since my miscarriage and has helped m so much in that area that I think it would be good for me to get my thoughts on this out as well. Plus, it sounds like some of you may be worried about the same issues, so hopefully knowing that others are dealing with the same feelings will be helpful:)

Tomorrow's appointment is for Lilly. We'll finally get to see how much she's grown and how much weight she has gained since she left the hospital the second time. She was down to 5lbs 15oz that day, so I'd imagine she's doing much better by now! Unfortunately we're dealing with some major digestive issues and possibly even colic, although I am really staying hopeful that it's not colic.

Tuesday's appointment is for me and will probably depend largely on how Lilly's appointment goes. Matt's cousin Debbie has been a wonderful support to me, especially over the last year. I talked to her today and feel a huge amount of relief over what I'm feeling. Knowing that I'm not crazy and this probably isn't all hormones (although I'm sure a big part of it is) and that I am not a horrible mother is reassuring. I feel like I've had so many cards stacked against me and despite trying to maintain a positive outlook and stay optimistic each day, the last 10 weeks have taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally and I think I just need a break. Obviously a real "break" isn't an option with a newborn, but hopefully my doctor can help me in other ways before I have a mental breakdown.

I really don't have anything charming or cute to share from the last 24 hours. It hasn't been the best:( Hopefully we'll be on a better path tomorrow.

Saturday, January 3, 2009


Dear Lilly,
Today you are just over 2 weeks old. The beginning of your life with Mommy and Daddy has been a roller coaster, but the ups more than outweigh the downs, that is for sure. Grandma left today to go visit your cousin Owen, who was born on the very same day as you! You two will always be able to share your special day:) We all miss Grandma very much-- even Midas curled up in the corner of the living room and nestled his head in her shoes as she was packing up to leave. Mommy and Grandma cried lots of tears, but she promised she would be back as soon as she could!

Lilly, there is so much I am looking forward to in the coming months. Your first year is going to be full of so many changes... so much excitement. The past couple days I've found myself daydreaming about Daddy and I taking you to Mystic, CT where we took a trip almost one year ago. It was so much fun walking around and poking in the little shops, eating seafood on the water and driving to the adorable little surrounding towns. I think it would be the perfect little trip for our family once you get a little older. I can just picture you in your bright green stroller, taking it all in:)

You've given me two smiles over the last week and both times my heart just melted! Everyone else says "Oh, she does that for me all the time!" but I can't believe that you could have given them smiles as beautiful as the ones I saw. I cannot wait until those smiles become more frequent. Often Mommy feels like she doesn't know how to make you happy because I don't always know what is upsetting you. But seeing you smile is like having a heavy weight lifted off my chest. It makes me feel like you really are happy inside and all the fussing and sticking out your bottom lip is nothing... or maybe just gas:)

If I have to pick one moment to call my favorite, though, it would be one that happened this morning. As I was feeding you your 2nd daytime bottle, you were so alert! You were lying cradled in my left arm, looking around the room, sucking away while I observed you discovering. (You make the cutest noises when you eat-- you definitely enjoy every last drop! I love knowing that your belly is full!) And then you looked at me. You looked right into my eyes as I looked into yours. And just like movies and books say, our eyes locked! Your dark navy blue baby eyes stared right into mine as if we were looking inside each other souls saying "I am all yours!" We stayed that way for about 10 seconds. I didn't want it to end! That moment will be etched in my memory forever, Lilly. Thank you for giving that to me, sweet girl. You have completely stolen my heart!



How I spent my New Year's Day

I woke up and started having stomach and abdominal pains around 7am. By 8am I was back in the bedroom, standing at the edge of the bed, flopped over in pain. Matt was still sleeping and I just stood there in a slump crying. I was so afraid something was wrong, but even more afraid of having something that would put me back in the yucky part of the hospital and away from Lilly.

Eventually I took a warm shower which helped slightly, so I moved to the bed with a heating pad a put a call into my doctor. I was told by the operator that she was not on call that day. I told her I'd talk to anyone. About an hour later my doctor called me back. (She's really earning bonus points these days!) She wasn't sure what the problem could be (OK, take away one bonus point) and suggested I go to the ER. I decided I'd wait it out and see if it got better.

Unfortunately we had family coming-- family who was supposed to come Christmas Eve, but we had to cancel that due to The Birth, so I really didn't want to cancel again. But I couldn't breathe, walk, laugh, or even move without excruciating pain. Our company came, I visited a little while, then went to bed where I cried in pain for a couple more hours.

By 5:30 I'd had it and decided I'd go to Urgent Care, which is in the ER of our hospital. Matt went with me. Thankfully we saw a really good doctor (I know, a good Urgent Care doctor? I never knew one existed.) who was extremely thorough. A shot of morphine & phenergan, a pelvic exam, a CAT scan, an IV of antibiotic and morphine and a few doses of take-home percocet later, my uterine infection and I made our way home, happily doped up.

More proof that my body does not take well to pregnancy. But thankfully this wasn't the stomach flu or something contagious that Matt or Lilly could get. If I felt that awful and helpless I can't imagine how a 2-week old would handle it:(