1.4.08

Some of you asked if I would share about PP Depression. I have two doctor's appointments this week (Mon. and Tues.) and will have more to share about the issue afterwards. I wasn't sure I wanted to put it out there on my blog, but this has been one of my constant, reliable outlets since my miscarriage and has helped m so much in that area that I think it would be good for me to get my thoughts on this out as well. Plus, it sounds like some of you may be worried about the same issues, so hopefully knowing that others are dealing with the same feelings will be helpful:)

Tomorrow's appointment is for Lilly. We'll finally get to see how much she's grown and how much weight she has gained since she left the hospital the second time. She was down to 5lbs 15oz that day, so I'd imagine she's doing much better by now! Unfortunately we're dealing with some major digestive issues and possibly even colic, although I am really staying hopeful that it's not colic.

Tuesday's appointment is for me and will probably depend largely on how Lilly's appointment goes. Matt's cousin Debbie has been a wonderful support to me, especially over the last year. I talked to her today and feel a huge amount of relief over what I'm feeling. Knowing that I'm not crazy and this probably isn't all hormones (although I'm sure a big part of it is) and that I am not a horrible mother is reassuring. I feel like I've had so many cards stacked against me and despite trying to maintain a positive outlook and stay optimistic each day, the last 10 weeks have taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally and I think I just need a break. Obviously a real "break" isn't an option with a newborn, but hopefully my doctor can help me in other ways before I have a mental breakdown.

I really don't have anything charming or cute to share from the last 24 hours. It hasn't been the best:( Hopefully we'll be on a better path tomorrow.