Sunday, January 4, 2009

1.4.08

Some of you asked if I would share about PP Depression. I have two doctor's appointments this week (Mon. and Tues.) and will have more to share about the issue afterwards. I wasn't sure I wanted to put it out there on my blog, but this has been one of my constant, reliable outlets since my miscarriage and has helped m so much in that area that I think it would be good for me to get my thoughts on this out as well. Plus, it sounds like some of you may be worried about the same issues, so hopefully knowing that others are dealing with the same feelings will be helpful:)

Tomorrow's appointment is for Lilly. We'll finally get to see how much she's grown and how much weight she has gained since she left the hospital the second time. She was down to 5lbs 15oz that day, so I'd imagine she's doing much better by now! Unfortunately we're dealing with some major digestive issues and possibly even colic, although I am really staying hopeful that it's not colic.

Tuesday's appointment is for me and will probably depend largely on how Lilly's appointment goes. Matt's cousin Debbie has been a wonderful support to me, especially over the last year. I talked to her today and feel a huge amount of relief over what I'm feeling. Knowing that I'm not crazy and this probably isn't all hormones (although I'm sure a big part of it is) and that I am not a horrible mother is reassuring. I feel like I've had so many cards stacked against me and despite trying to maintain a positive outlook and stay optimistic each day, the last 10 weeks have taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally and I think I just need a break. Obviously a real "break" isn't an option with a newborn, but hopefully my doctor can help me in other ways before I have a mental breakdown.

I really don't have anything charming or cute to share from the last 24 hours. It hasn't been the best:( Hopefully we'll be on a better path tomorrow.

3 comments:

Lynda said...

your doc will take care of YOU! it's great that you know you aren't feeling right and that you're addressing it.

i can't imagine what you've been through these past 10 weeks but i think i can say that it will get better!

big hugs to you and lilly!

Trisha.R.Jackson said...

(((HUGS))). I hope you can get the relief that you need soon. Know that this affects so many women and it's definitely something that the doctor's can help you through. I'll be thinking of you.

Jessica said...

i haven't been online in a few weeks so i'm just catching up on your birth story and the "aftermath." congrats on your beautiful baby girl! i can relate to so much of what you're saying from my first post-partum experience. hang in there, it does get better. i'll be praying for you!

jessica
(jwally from the nest)