Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Sunday, September 28, 2008


This morning instead of our Pastor preaching a sermon, we were shown a video from Chris Tomlin's "How Great is Our God" tour, which featured an awesome, inspiring presentation by Louie Giglio. The whole thing probably lasts a good half hour, but is really awesome to see. Youtube has it broken into 5 parts if you ever want to watch it.

You know how sometimes you sit in church trying hard to find your place in the message? Usually, at some point there's an "ah ha" moment when everything clicks and I sit back wondering why I ever doubt these things. The first 2 parts of the presentation were all about stars and the universe-- all very scientific, which even though I find a little dry, was neat to hear because science and Christianity can sometimes conflict (ah hmm, the dinosaurs) and you just don't usually hear much of the two being combined.

But Part 3 REALLY hit home... as did Part 4. Part 3 (you can see all this below, but I'll paraphrase for those who don't feel like watching) broke this great universe down to size a little-- You and Me. The miracle of the Average Joe. The miracle of conception, DNA, and human life. It shows a picture of a 16 day old fetus (still just a tiny group of cells), as well as a 6 month old fetus! That picture got a "hollllaaa" out of Little Beansies!

At one point the message turns to how great our God really is, even though we live in this massive universe with millions of people needing Him, millions of people leaving Him behind when they really need Him, millions of tragedies, millions of needs... yet He can handle them all and never leaves us. He may not make things perfect and he may not fix them all at once, but as Louie G says, He gives us just enogh strength to take one more breath, and then one more breath, and then one more breath... and He gets us there eventually.

February 2nd I woke up having had, what felt like, my entire world stolen away from me. Any hope I had left on the night of the 1st was gone. I knew I had lost my baby. All I could do was sit and stare and cry for hours at a time.

"God doesn't always change the circumstances, He did not change them for Jesus on that hillside outside Jerusalem. But the cross is also proof that God always has a purpose in the circumstances and that His purpose and His plan will prevail and will triumph through any circumstances in this world."

God gave me the breath, one at a time, to get through the first hour. And then the first day. Days became weeks and weeks became months. I still have a hard time talking about the loss without getting emotional, especially with the due date approaching in one week. I know that will be a hard day. But I also know that the circumstances I was given were given to me for a reason and even though I still don't always want to accept that and I never will feel GOOD about it, regardless of the beautiful life we have been able to create out of that loss, I know that God's plan is greater and better than any plan I ever could have come up with myself. And I have to trust that that's the bottom line and that I'll get through anything, even if it's just one breath at a time.

Saturday, September 27, 2008


Allow me to start this post by calling your attention to the lovely ticker above. Notice anything? Tomorrow I will be in double digits... it's almost as exciting as turning 10 years old!!!

I posted a whiny blog this morning about all the annoyances of the past week, mostly dealing with being pregnant. Mind you, it was 5:45 am. On a Saturday. I walked away, got some cereal, took a bite, and then came back in and deleted the post. I don't want to be a complainer, especially when it comes to this blessing of a pregnancy. Sure I made all kinds of deals with myself and God and promised to never ever complain if I could just be pregnant again, with a healthy baby, but more importantly, I want this blog to be a place for my positive thoughts about my pregnancy experience.

I started thinking about how to turn my bad attitude around and realized quickly that it all comes down to sacrifice. Moms? They sacrifice a lot. Time, a social life, their bodies, sometimes careers, personal relationships, sleep, not to mention makeup and hair clips, which a co-worker told me would probably start to happen in about 8 years as she walked out of my office, sighing, while holding her hair in a ponytail with not a rubber band in sight. "They steal everything!" she called as she rounded the corner.

When you try and and try and try and fail, and then try and try and try and fail even worse, and then try and try again and FINALLY are given the gift of creating a life... and then wait and wait for each milestone (seeing the sac, seeing the heartbeat, hearing the heartbeat, passing the date of any previous miscarriages, making it to the 2nd trimester, and then the big ultrasound and then week 24-- viability week, when the doctors will attempt to save your baby if you deliver anytime from here til full-term, etc.) no sacrifice seems too big or small. They're simply all worth it and are done in a heartbeat.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


I could tell you all about my heartburn-induced insomnia from last night that led into me hovering over my office trash can for most of the morning, but instead let's talk belly buttons.

Do all pregnant women end up with a "Turkey's done!" outie or do some make it the entire 10 months whilst maintaining a cute little innie? Not that outies aren't cute. But if mine pops I'll probably be afraid to even look at it. When your belly button has looked exactly the same for decades, and then suddenly pops out like one of those rubber disc toys you get from candy machines, it can shake you up a little... or me. It could shake me up a little. Almost as much as when I was told last year that I had to teach my preschoolers that dinosaurs were, in fact, on Noah's Ark because God made everything, so it's impossible that they lived millions of years ago... it was actually only six thousand years ago. And most were the size of a chicken. Yeah, that threw my world upside down for a few weeks. (By the way, I gracefully avoided all mention of where dinos came from in order to get around this... I'm too baffled to go there right now.)

So, about those belly buttons. I'd be lying if I didn't say that my bb area is beginning to take on a new landscape... one of long (yes, LONG) blonde fuzz and some odd discoloration... not to mention I have recently met the laparascopic scar that until now had been hiding within the depths of my innie. Talk about a surprise! I remember it hurting up in therrr, but I didn't realize the permanent adornment I'd been carrying around all this time.

And thankfully I've yet to see a stretch mark (AMEN!), although remember the spider veins I spoke about back in June? Two new ones. On the left side of my belly. Yeah, belly.

But you know what? I love 'em all. Long, blonde belly hairs, funky discoloration and newly budding spider veins. My daughter gave me those! My first gift from LB. I don't mind them one bit:)

So, for those of you who have any insight on the matter... what's the deal? Do they all pop or do some flop?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


25 weeks and feeling beaten and battered from a ridiculously long day of work.

Yesterday my normlly-size-8.5 feet were swollen and strangled by the time I got to work. By the time lunch rolled around, I was practically in tears. I do a lot of walking at school... pretty much all day long. I'm a social critter and would much rather walk down the hall to ask someone a question in person than pick up the phone and stare at the wall while I speak. At some point (like, ohhh, today) this will have to stop, but for now, when I can, I zip all over the place and in the end get to enjoy ice cream whenever I please!

Anyway, by lunch time I'd had it and ventured out for a pair of replacement kicks. I ended up with a pair of size 9 brown mary janes and a similar pair of black Skechers, both of which felt amazing on my pudgy piggies. I thought I'd laughed in the face of pregnancy and was a step ahead of the swelling that was to come. I kicked off my black shoes in the car and slipped into the Skechers (adjustable strap and all) and sighed long and loud.

This morning I got dressed for work, excited that I finally had some comfy brown shoes and a new pair of khakis, thus pretty much doubling my entire wardrobe. But as I attempted to "slip" my tootsies into the shoes... they no longer fit. They fit great in the store 15 hours earlier! Now it felt like I was shoving a 20 pound sausage into a change purse. Not happenin.

With no other options and not much time, I made an emergency stop at Target and found some heavenly ballet flats for $14.99. I bee-lined to the Pharmacy area and picked up a pair of Dr. Scholls inserts (I'm no idiot). As my crippled feet climbed back into the car with just 5 minutes to spare, I took those size 10's out of the box and dove into pure divinity:)

Sunday, September 21, 2008


I'm married to one of those guys who couldn't tell a new hair style from the back of his hand. I could come home with no hair and he probably wouldn't notice for a while. I usually toss my hair around and make references to "my appointment" that I had that day until I see the lightbulb go off... but at that point, he usually refuses to admit that he didn't notice, so he tries to play cool and then I get mad that he never told me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

Which is why I had to give him "a look" the other day when I walked out of the bedroom after getting dressed and as I walk past him he says, "New bra?"

Well, not really. I just found it in the bottom of my drawer and haven't worn it in a year or two (which, dumb mistake considering the knockers are no longer compatible), BUT STILL... how does one NOT notice a drastic new hairstyle after hours of pathetic hinting, but an internal alarm goes off within seconds of seeing something new in the boob department?

I guess I should be glad he's still looking, but srrrriously.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


When I was a freshman in college, people used to comment on how happy I always was. I walked around campus with a smile on my face pretty much all the time. I loved my school, loved my classes, had great friends... there was no reason for me to not be happy! One guy, who I ended up dating, even nicknamed me Smiles. I think that's a nice nickname. Come to think of it, I remember hearing this in high school, too, which is crazy considering I moved to a new state and school the summer of my junior year and had a miserable time adjusting. I didn't want anyone to know that though and I do find it easier to be happy than sad. At least no one questions your happiness... people who question your sadness don't always REALLY want the full explanation. And that's a lot of effort on both parts.

By my junior year of college I realized I never really heard those comments anymore. Junior year was also my toughest, academically, and I lived in a sorority house, which probably wasn't the smartest decision of my life, but looking back wasn't as bad as I thought at the time. It was just a hard year.

Since I returned to my job in July, looking obviously pregnant and feeling the greatness of being past the first trimester, I started hearing things in the hallways, like "You're always so happy", "You have the greatest smile", "You're glowing", "Are there twins in there?" (OK, that one slipped in-- but seriously someone asked me "November, right?" and when I said, "Nope, January" her jaw dropped and apologized, LOL.)

I chalked it all up to those pregnancy "glow" hormones at first, but the more I hear it, the more clear it is to me that I look this way because I feel this way! I am so happy and the smile on my face is a fraction of what I feel in my heart. How can I not walk around smiley, cheerful and upbeat when I am finally living the life that I feel I was created to live. I'm going to be a mom! Very soon! There's no other way for me to walk through the halls of my school. And when people tell me I'm waddling or that I am walking a little slower these days, I feel completely validated inside. I couldn't care less if I look funny... my kid did this to me and I'm kind of proud of it:)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Meet the Neighborhood Penis!

Our neighbors are on vacation this week and had a complete overhaul of the empty lot next to them done. It's theirs, they own it, but it's always been an overgrown field up until now.

The yard looks great, however, this little gem was left behind by the masterful landscaper and it currently resides on the corner leading into our neighborhood:)

I believe it's supposed to be a mushroom family (and coordinating mum planter, woo!) but I see otherwise.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


3 Things:

1. I hate Hurricane Ike and all his gusty friends. Being without power for 3 days is not only sucky, but boring, annoying, and not good for pregnant women. Or any women, for cryin' out loud. Also being told that power may not be restored for 7-14 days is cruel and ludacris. Next time a hurricane strikes in our country, let's save at least one power crew for our local yokels, k? And if that sounds insensitive, you shower in water so cold that your growing fetus does not move inside your belly until 2:00 that afternoon.

2. I need some new musical selections for this blog. Every time the first key or two is struck DH and I are equally annoyed, although I think he expresses his annoyance a little louder and annoyinger than me. So... suggestions? No tunes at all? Do you just mute it anyway?

3. A picture of the 24 week Beansie:)

Sunday, September 14, 2008


A picture post!

But first a little background on these first set of pics...

After a few weeks of going back and forth on which stroller/infant seat combination was best for us, I walked into the deal of the century (times two) and found myself the new owner of these fabulously adorable and fun Peg Perego Pliko P3 and Primo Viaggio SIP infant seat in Mod Verde. We had picked out the seat in orange to use with a Snap 'n Go, but I couldn't pass up the bargain staring me in the eyes last Monday while killing time before my dentist appt. So here she is! And I managed to find myself an equally great deal on the seat... so Mod Verde it is:)

Let me throw in, also, that I assembled this shiz all by myself and it was not easy! OK, well I suppose it would've been easier if I'd read the directions, but it seemed like it should be pretty simple. Wrong.

The first step in the nursery arrived... the Bed of Roses duvet! I cancelled the other items because I decided I'm going to make the white eyelet crib skirt and the sheets could wait.

The cutest Mary Jane socks sent from Uncle Andy and Aunt Suzanne!

And finally, a couple things not baby related... it's Matt and me, before the disaster of last night's game against USC. We look so happy and hopeful. Hmph.

And the grande finale...

Friday, September 12, 2008


23 weeks

Last Saturday I went to Matt's school with him so he could get some files together for a leadership conference. It was the first time I'd seen his office and was pleasantly surprised by how unintimidating it can be to sit in the Principal's office when you are the Principal's wife:)

As I was skimming his bookshelves and bulletin boards, I noticed a very neatly organized shelf full of "Matt Memorabilia". The items he had on this shelf pretty much tell everything that makes him who he is, right down the fact that they were each precisely placed in juuuust the right spot. He had his high school diploma (probably a good thing to display as a high school principal), his college diploma (bonus!), a little Orrville Red Riders toy car, a picture frame we assembled together with a picture of him and his dad fishing in Canada, the two of us in Lake Tahoe, him and the dog, and one on our wedding day... and propped up against the frame, he had placed an ultrasound picture of his daughter.

I knew better than to make a big deal of it in front of him, so I kept my reaction subtle and hid my goosebumps. Later when I told my mom, we both cried over what a sweet and amazing man he is. My mom might just be Matt's #2 fan, although sometimes she may even take my #1 spot! I am so happy to finally be giving him a child-- his very own family. I am so anxious to see him interact with his little girl, adjust her little socks when they slip off her miniature feet, wrap her in her blanket just the way she likes, worry that she didn't get enough sleep, is still hungry, is afraid of the dog... I am so excited for the days ahead. No amount of morning sickness, back aches, swollen feet, restless nights or adolescent breakouts could make me miss this experience!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Tomorrow night can't get here fast enough. Matt is out of town attending a conference and I'm here all alone. I would stink at the single life, that's for sure.

And as if it's not crappy enough sleeping alone, my poor dog woke me up at 4:30 this morning throwing up all over the carpet. Ugh. He got some shots yesterday, so that's probably why, but, being that I was the only person home, I got to shampoo the carpet at 4:30am. And guess who thought it was time to wake up and start jazzercizing in my belly? And OH of course it was also thundering and lightening outside. So guess who did NOT want to go outside to finish barfapalooza? Annnd guess who needed a bath first thing after work? Not me.

I'm pooped. I splurged on a pumpkin spice latte this morning, which of course made me 10 minutes late to work and OF COURSE my boss was there 3 hours early and started the day off with a smart remark. Considering she left for 4 hours to go shopping at Sam's Club this morning (and out to lunch with her husband) she really ought to keep her comments to herself. I love her 99% of the time, but today fell into that 1% of crappity crap.

If I could just have my husband back, I think I'd be a friendlier person today.

Sunday, September 7, 2008


Last night I couldn't sleep and Little Beansies was bee bopping something fierce so I got out my camera and took a video of my belly moving and grooving... it is really cute, but kind of strange and a little hard to see because of the angle. Once I get a better video I'll post it. This morning she was doing it again before church as Matt and I were watching TV on the couch. Matt had his head on my lap and I gave him the heads up that she was at it again... can you believe she kicked her daddy in the head?!?!?! Matt looked shocked and amazed... and quite entertained by his little girl's antics:) It's always been hit or miss with him getting to feel kicks with his hand, but this time he got it in the head.

Also, I'm trying to save the bedding pictures from the Land of Nod so I can upload them to share, but I keep getting a black box instead of a picture (in My Pictures). I can save a picture from PBK though, so I wonder if LON has it blocked somehow. Does anyone have suggestions?

Saturday, September 6, 2008


I have a registry phobia. Matt and I (with the help of Julia!) have created 2 registries and a total of 3 people know about them, one of those being Julia:) Lisa and my mom are the other two. I don't know what my deal is, but I am so embarrassed by them. Probably for the same reasons that I have a hard time making Christmas lists and also why I have near anxiety meltdowns over having to open presents in front of people at birthdays, Christmas... and, yes, showers. I don't know how to handle it. I get sweaty, nervous, and nauseas because I want everyone to feel like their gift was the absolute greatest and I want them to feel special and appreciated and one of a kind. But sometimes that is a lot of pressure to handle! Especially when, and I hate to say it, but well, sometimes you can't fake it:( And when a dozen or more sets of eyes are on you, waiting for that great reaction, it's downright scary!

So here's what usually goes down... wedding, Christmas, birthdays and probably now, baby. After procrastinating for weeks, a list/registry/word-of-mouth "I think she wants (fill in the blank) will be made and then within days, maybe weeks, I go buy everything myself. Yes, I realize the whole point is to help give people ideas for gifts that I truly would like, but I guess I always feel like people don't really want to buy the gifts anyway, they're just doing it because they feel obligated to come to the shower or because they know I'll be giving them a birthday, Christmas, etc. gift. I probably sound like a sad, pathetic wierdo. But seriously, do you REALLY enjoy attending showers? OK, maybe you do and I'm just a freak whose insecurities get in the way of enjoying these things, but I think we've already established that I have issues. Right? Right.

Well, anyway, to illustrate my issues, someone asked me to register with Land of Nod, one of my favorite children's stores. I love just about everything on every page of their catalog. I finally found bedding that I love, which up until now has been a challenge because I hadn't even found anyt that I like. So I went through the catalog, circled the things I love the most, got ready to create the registry and then bought all of my bedding instead:) And now I feel guilty for even getting excited over all this "stuff" when all I really want is this little baby to be here and healthy and smiling and making us gushfully crazy. All the "things" seem so silly.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


What do tea parties, tutus, prom dresses and butterfly kisses all have in common?

They're all things that Matt and I will get to experience over the next, ohhh, 18 years:) With our baby girl!

I can't even tell you how happy I am to know that I'm not carrying an "it" or just "the baby" anymore. My daughter is in there! Today we saw her stretch her arms behind her head, raise them up and yawwwwwwn after a good 45 minutes of acrobatics. Within minutes she was sound asleep. I am so in love.

Mommy and Daddy love you, Sweet Pea! Our precious baby girl.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


This morning while watching TV in bed (this is not a normal weekday morning occurance... Midas had a vet appt. so I got to hang around the house all morning!), I caught a quick poke bulge from my belly, to the right of my belly button. I had felt it, but since I was watching TV, I only saw the poke in my peripheral vision. So I watched it... and watched it... and watched... and there it was again! It was the coolest! But what excited me the most was thinking that maybe those were feet, which would mean the head was down, which would mean we might see something GOOD tomorrow!! I've never felt movement that high before.

But alas, everything has been low for the remainder of the day. Let's just hope that the 4 weeks of growth moved the goodies far enough away from my bladder that we can see them anyway:)

And now I bring you...

the 22 week belly.

On a funny note, people have been commenting like crazy on how big I am for 22 weeks and they always ask where the rest of it will go for the next 18 weeks. I just laugh and shrug because well, how do I know?! But here's the thing...Matt, my 6'3", size 14 shoe wearing hubby was born 6 weeks early. And probably for good reason! He claims he stuck a foot out, stretched his leg and proclaimed "Waaaaazzzuuuppp!!" So maybe it's genetic.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


If you have a minute to pray for Matt, he could use a little encouragement right now. He's feeling completely overwhelmed by his graduate courses, new job, keeping his hormonal wife happy... and most importantly, doing it all well. He doesn't do anything halfway, that is for sure. I know he will succeed and it's just a matter of feeling everything out and finding his groove for the next 3 months. Once he gets through this first semester (and really, these first couple weeks), it will be much smoother sailing, especially since he doubled up on his course load this time around to buy himself some time once the baby is here, which means next semester he'll only be taking one course instead of 2. Plus he'll have his Little Beansies waiting at home to brighten his day:)

He and I both know the power of prayer and sometimes burdens seem so unmanagable that all you can do is hand them over to the Lord and know that He will take care of you. I just want Matt to feel this comfort. Your little prayer will go a long way, I just know it:)

P.S. Belly pic tomorrow. I uploaded the pics we took tonight and I look hideous. I told my boss today that I look like a homeless person, my roots are so bad. But serously... time? There's none of it. I need to go on maternity leave NOW.

Monday, September 1, 2008


We're back from the Smokey Mts and had lots of fun! It was very relaxing and full of junk food and televison:) Last night I even got in the hot tub (which, I assure you was a safe 95 degrees and we only stayed in for about 20 minutes so we could make it back inside for The Hills rerun). We ate at Tony Romas Saturday night, grilled hot dogs for lunch yesterday and ordered the world's worst pizza for dinner. But today's IHOP breakfast was delish.

I seriously don't think I've ever eaten so much junk food in one weekend in my whole entire life. We were all off the hook and enjoyed every minute of it!

And now for some pics:) Please remember that we were on vacation and therefore hair product and makeup didn't necessarily make the trip.

Midas drinking in the backseat

The pretty view from our deck

My cutie boy

Dinner with Wonder Works in the background... look closely, the whole building is upside down!

Lisa & her hot husband, David:)

Even Weetzies wants to show off his baby belly:)

Lisa's Maybe Baby... hopefully implanting and beginning to cook!

Rockin' on the deck

This pre-historic THING flew into my hair and made me spill my Fre wine. It wasn't that good anyway, but it made a sticky mess and probably scared the bejeesies out of Little Beansies.

Lisa & Me

Weezies & Feezies