This morning instead of our Pastor preaching a sermon, we were shown a video from Chris Tomlin's "How Great is Our God" tour, which featured an awesome, inspiring presentation by Louie Giglio. The whole thing probably lasts a good half hour, but is really awesome to see. Youtube has it broken into 5 parts if you ever want to watch it.
You know how sometimes you sit in church trying hard to find your place in the message? Usually, at some point there's an "ah ha" moment when everything clicks and I sit back wondering why I ever doubt these things. The first 2 parts of the presentation were all about stars and the universe-- all very scientific, which even though I find a little dry, was neat to hear because science and Christianity can sometimes conflict (ah hmm, the dinosaurs) and you just don't usually hear much of the two being combined.
But Part 3 REALLY hit home... as did Part 4. Part 3 (you can see all this below, but I'll paraphrase for those who don't feel like watching) broke this great universe down to size a little-- You and Me. The miracle of the Average Joe. The miracle of conception, DNA, and human life. It shows a picture of a 16 day old fetus (still just a tiny group of cells), as well as a 6 month old fetus! That picture got a "hollllaaa" out of Little Beansies!
At one point the message turns to how great our God really is, even though we live in this massive universe with millions of people needing Him, millions of people leaving Him behind when they really need Him, millions of tragedies, millions of needs... yet He can handle them all and never leaves us. He may not make things perfect and he may not fix them all at once, but as Louie G says, He gives us just enogh strength to take one more breath, and then one more breath, and then one more breath... and He gets us there eventually.
February 2nd I woke up having had, what felt like, my entire world stolen away from me. Any hope I had left on the night of the 1st was gone. I knew I had lost my baby. All I could do was sit and stare and cry for hours at a time.
"God doesn't always change the circumstances, He did not change them for Jesus on that hillside outside Jerusalem. But the cross is also proof that God always has a purpose in the circumstances and that His purpose and His plan will prevail and will triumph through any circumstances in this world."
God gave me the breath, one at a time, to get through the first hour. And then the first day. Days became weeks and weeks became months. I still have a hard time talking about the loss without getting emotional, especially with the due date approaching in one week. I know that will be a hard day. But I also know that the circumstances I was given were given to me for a reason and even though I still don't always want to accept that and I never will feel GOOD about it, regardless of the beautiful life we have been able to create out of that loss, I know that God's plan is greater and better than any plan I ever could have come up with myself. And I have to trust that that's the bottom line and that I'll get through anything, even if it's just one breath at a time.