Monday, April 30, 2007

i have no title

This morning I was at Wal-Mart this morning buying spray paint for a wicker table that I just bought and then after the first rain, all the paint washed off it. Anyway, I bought:

- chewy dog treats
- crunchy dog treats
- raw hide dog treats
- a contraption with which to tie up the dog at the lake tonight
- salt and vinegar chips
- celery and carrots, already chopped because I'm lazy
- dog toy that had no price tag and ended up being the most expensive item in my cart.
- a 6-pack of IBC cream soda. our wal-mart is in a dry square mile. i try to boycott as much as possible.
- spray paint

So, as you see, I was buying normal items. And I obviously have a thing for my dog. But as the cashier was ringing up all my goods, she got to the spray paint and asked me if I was 18. I told her yes and she told me she would need ID. So I gave it to her and she LOL'ed and said "Goodness, I guess so! Ya sure don't look 18."

I know, I know. I have chubby cheeks and blonde curly hair. Evidently that makes me look like a minor. Also, when I was in college, I went to a Chinese restaurant with my parents and our waitress asked if I wanted the 12 and under buffet.

I'm sure I'll appreciate it someday. But if I ever get mistaken for a 12-year old when buying condoms, it might be a little awkward. Especially if I also have those first 4 items in my cart.

Friday, April 27, 2007


Today is FINALLY Friday. It's been a long week, kids! But in approximately 3 hours and 12 minutes, I will be enjoying happy hour at Applebees. And, as any Wittenberg Tiger could tell you, half-price apps and beer is a celebration in and of itself:) But what's even better is that afterwards? We have no plans. And since last night the never-ending storm coverage prevented Grey's Anatomy from airing, I get to come home (quite happily might I add... hence the happy... hour... YEAH, so anyway) and watch Grey's. In my pajamas. And then fall asleep at 9:00. Because tomorrow? We're babysitting our 1 and 3 yr. old cousins... for a full 24 hours. And while they might take 3 naps a day, I am guessing 3 won't be nearly enough for me.

But also? Last night when the tornadoes made their way to our neck of the woods, and the sirens were going off, and the news was telling us to get away from the windows and seek shelter, and I was laying in bed 12 inches from the window, and then the news shut off and we got an emergency message that cut out ALL of our cable and forced us to go "take shelter" out of boredom, we sat in the bathroom. Matt crammed himself in the bathtub and did Sudoku puzzles and I pointed and laughed for 10 minutes. He wouldn't let me dash out and get my camera, although, I probably could've done it fast enough to make it back before he managed to squeeze himself out of the tub because let me tell you... picture a 6'3" man with tennis shoes on jammed into a bathtub doing Soduko with his knees to his waist, his feet against the faucet, and making comments about delivering a baby... I mean, come on. Actually, stop. Something isn't right about that whole "picture my husband in a bathtub" game.

the end.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Who knew?

I'm trying to find airfare for Matt, my parents and myself for Christmas when we go to Lake Tahoe. Of course when I started looking two weeks ago, the rates were manageable, but then they went up the very next day and haven't come back down:( And probably won't! We're also trying to find a place to board our dogs, which is something we've never ever done before and we're a little tense about it. Currently our top pick is a Pet Resort where all three dogs will stay together in dawg townhouse. They'll have a toddler bed, a tv turned to Animal Planet, Yappy Hour treats (my fave!), a parkside view (ok, so it's a fake, indoor park, but it's still so cute!), and bed time treats. We could even pay extra for a web cam, but come on, isn't that a bit extreme?? (my brain is screaming "DO EET! DO EET!")

Have you ever seen such a thing?! I might just opt out of skiing and soaking in the hot springs, and drinking myself silly at the mountain top sports bars, or winning (read: losing) tons of money at the casino to stay with the dogs. HAHAHA, that was funny.

This one? Is the lobby.

For those of you who may not be familiar with dog toys, that is a Kong, not a pile of dog poop.


But anyway, I've been using two REALLY helpful websites to search for airfare and I want to pass them along! They are and Both search a bunch of the travel websites (like orbitz, expedia, etc.) for you and compile them into one giant search so you don't have to do it yourself:) It's the ulitimate in internet laziness! But seriously, between the two, they cover all the good websites, plus some I've never even heard of. Check, check, check it out!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Logan, Arizona?

The landscapers have started replacing all the mulch in our neighborhood with gravel... and it looks horrendous. If I wanted to live in the desert, I'd move to Arizona. It's really ugly. At the risk of muscle-shirt-sunglasses-wearing-creepy guy seeing me and thinking I was taking his picture, I took one anyway. My zoom is sucky though, so squint real hard and you can see all the way on the left side of the house where the gravel starts and looks like someone took a huge pee in the flower bed. The mulch is much prettier, much more contrasting. But evidently mulch is expensive and rocks aren't. Also take note of MSSWC guy on all fours... he thinks he is pure sex.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Earth Day!

"The ultimate test of man's conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard."

The Curtis household (population 2) has officially been full-blown recyclers for 1 week (partial recyclers for a few months) and it feels good be to green!

Did you know that electrical appliances that are plugged into the wall suck up energy even if they aren't being used (toasters, cell phone chargers, etc.)? Unplug those bad boys and save a little energy!

Did you know that Starbucks offers an itty bitty discount if you bring in your own travel mug instead of using one of theirs? It's not much, but you can feel good about helping the environment in your own little way... plus that 10 cents you save... boy, oh boy... ok, maybe not the hugest selling point, but a bargain is a bargain!

We've been taking our paper goods to our church so the Christian school that it's affiliated with can get fundraiser $$ for recycling them. Check out for your local recycling programs:)

Ode to a Grecian Urn

(stolen from my sunday skewl teacher. i am not this funny on my own.)

What does a Grecian urn?

$6.50 an hour:)

Friday, April 20, 2007

Lube. Jiffy Lube.

Yesterday I had to get my oil changed-- I was only 2,000 miles over-- and I decided I'd pay the extra $$ to go to Valvoline Instant Oil Change so I could just stay in my car because every girl knows how NOT fun it is getting the oil changed and sitting in that waiting room staring at nothing, but trying desperately to think of people you *need* to call, but then realizing even if you do call someone it's so LOUD in those waiting rooms and everyone will hear. So anyway, I had boot camp at 6:30 and by the time I got to Valvoline it was already 5:45 and the guy came walking up to my car to tell me it would be a 30 minute wait. Wahhh. I was confused considering I was only #2 in line, but he told me their computers were down nationwide, blah blah blah. I saw visions of oil funnels, dirty filters and dollar signs and momentarily spaced out as I do every other time mechanics start talking to me. I left and went to Jiffy Lube down the street, where the wait was only 5 minutes. But something happened there that left me feeling ugly, fat, and old.

There was this g.i.r.l. (collective sigh) in the waiting room-- the only other person in there besides me. She must have been about 17 because she was on her cell phone the entire time trying to decide where she should go to eat when she left. Who talks on the phone about that kind of stuff for 20+ minutes? Seventeen year olds, that's who. But she was nice... she didn't give off that bitch vibe that most girls you don't know do. You know the vibe. Yeah, that one. She didn't give it off... for long. I would soon come to despise her.

When her car was done, she got up and went to the counter. Now, she and I were both dressed in workout clothes, but her workout clothes were quite different than my workout clothes. While I was in faded yoga pants, an old Wittenberg tshirt and a mismatched fleece pull-over, she had on cut off sweats, bright white running shoes (that screamed "I go to the gym to look pretty), a black sports bra barely covered by her cut-off t-shirt. And when I say cut-off I don't mean the way guys cut the sleeves off... she made hers into a slutty little racerback so that we ALL could see her entire bra. I was momentarily pissed, but then I realized she looked a hell of a lot better than I did with my fleece and faded yoga pants as I sat clutching my Vera Bradley purse around my midsection. Of course ALLLLL the men working had to come inside to see her out and tell her three times to "have a nice day" to which she TOTALLY flirted back "THANKS!!!! *insert toothy grin* YOU TOO!!!" ... to evvvery single one of them. It was borderline obnoxious to the average frumpy onlooker. So the guys are practically drooling at this point, thinking of reasons to keep coming inside and hanging around the counter and I'm sitting in my plastic chair with my eyes in permanent-roll mode when I hear the manager offer her a free car wash token becuase they "got a little oil on her car" YEAH RIGHT. Whatever. Just then another guy comes walking in crumpling up the plastic seat protector, shower cap-esque steering wheel cover, and paper floor mat. If cartoon eyes existed in real life, his would have literally smacked into her boobs, ricocheted back and knocked the man on his back.

She finally left and got her darn car wash, and even thhough I was feeling about as ugly and old as dirt, I had a twinge of hope that maybe I, too, would get a free car wash. But no. And then? When I went to get inside my car? They had left all the plastic coverings and floor mat in my car for me to take care of. And I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell "I'm pretty too, you dirty mechanics!!" And then I wanted to hang all 35 yeards of plastic out the window as I drove away in a fury cackling. But then they would've thought I was fat, ugly, old, AND crazy so I just sat down on top of the plastic and left, crinkling the plastic with every breath.


I'm done with the oil changes.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Dramatic Sigh

What possesses someone to think it's OK to mow grass at 7am on a Thursday morning? 7:00 is practically 6:59, which is totally in the 6:00 hour, which is totally TOO early for lawn mowers. I realize that some people are awake way before that, but today I was not one of them and it was kind of nice. Until the bag of douche lawn guy (aka: creepy man who wears muscle shirts and dark sunglasses so I can't see where he's looking) came buzzing by. For a moment I felt bad that I hadn't picked up Midas' lawn presents from yesterday, but then I rolled over and smiled inside knowing what was awaiting the muscle shirt in a matter of seconds:)

Sometimes I think I should write a book called "How To Get Along In This World" becuase there are far too many imbeciles out there who need direction. And I really think I could offer some assistance since I have many, if not all, of the answers:) Just ask my mom. She tells me all the time.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I put the ick in sick

I already broke my goal of blogging everyday, but well I was a little sick. With stomach stuff. I didn't know that anything was "going around" but a few days ago my friend/coblogger/fellow Wittenberg Tiger/former coresident of 10th floor Tower/English major pal JENNIE was tummy sick, then I subjected myself to Matt's family, which ... made me sick yesterday ON THE SAME DAY that Molly's Mommacita had the same tummy issues. So maybe it's something that's going around in my world only, but either way IT SUCKS and there are only a few people in this world I would wish it on (note: I did not say I wouldn't wish it on anyone. eeeeeevil.).

What made yesterday even suckiER is that Matt and I had to finish our taxes at H&R Block (a process we started 3-- count 'em-- 3 weeks ago) and becuase my company is one of the most worthless establishments in the state of Ohio, they simply STOPPED taking out local taxes in June of '05 and just didn't notify anyone. SO thanks to their dirty assholes, I owe Columbus a shit ton and Logan a shit ton more! (By the way, if you were wondering, 1 shit ton + a shit ton more = $520) Plus 1/2 shit ton to the State of Ohio and 1/4 shit ton to H&R Block. You'd think that, since said dirty assholes just cut my hours down to 30/week AND I just had a $10 grand surgery, I'd be a little concerned. But for some reason, it makes me laugh (and sometimes yell obscenities at inanimate household objects). It's all so simply ridiculous:) Tee hee:) Thankfully we have one of those money trees in our front yard-- the kind my dad always told me did not exist? Yeah, we have one. Aren't you jealous???

Monday, April 9, 2007

How I Met Your Father

Someday, when Matt and I are old, boring, and humorless with teenage monsters who hate us and can't understand how in the world we could be attracted to each other, I'm going to show them this blog. Probably not, in actuality, since the internet probably won't even exist anymore, but it's one of those things I'd like to think I would do if I could. Anyway, I was going through all my photos on snapfish and realized I have about 1 "nice" picture of Matt... because he is SO goofy and refuses to just look pretty for the camera. It always pisses me off, but then I see the pics a year later and they make me giggle. They're so telling of his personality... and I love my Matty's personality! Here are my top faves:

And then, the 1 nice photo I have of Weeze. When I forced him to "BE NICE FOR FECK'S SAKE!"

After seeing that, the kids'll be all "Gee, Ma! Dad was one cool dude!" And then I'll start making out with him just to gross them out. Frankly, it will probably gross me out too if I'm like 70, which, at this rate...

Sunday, April 8, 2007

What makes me really happy about today that tonight Desperate Housewives is finally new again (which seems fitting considering Marcia Cross had the bebe's kids like 2 months ago), TOMORROW the new season of Run's House AND Little People Big World starts, AND with a new week brings new hope for a new episode of Grey's Anatomy. But I'm not holding my breath on that last one because they're starting to suck royal ca-ca in the rerun department.

Happy Easter!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Jews for Jesus!

Last night Matt and I went to this program at our church called "Jews for Jesus" (which, at first, I thought was called "Juice for Jesus" and all I could think about was Michael Jackson) and it basically explained the Passover meal and what the Seder represents, etc. I must say, Jews are pretty cool. Kudos to FCC for being so open and embracing the Jewish culutre and wanting to educate its own congregation on Jewish traditions, especially on Good Friday. Yay for that. I almost wanted to be a Jew by the end. But I love me some Baby Jesus and Easter and Christmas and all that. So I'll pass.

Friday, April 6, 2007

It was the year 1992...

When I was in fourth grade, I had the hugest celebrity crush. But it was way embarrassing because while all the other girls were drooling over this beefcake:

I was busy planning my future medical career with this hunk:

Looking back, neither were all that hunky. They certainly aren't so hot they make my teeth sweat, that's for sure. So what was the big deal? Johnny Castle had big hair and wore spandex. Doogie Howser, M.D. had a fro... but maybe it was the brains that sent my 10 yr old heart racing. I couldn't tell my friends though. No sir. That would have been total social suicide. And in fourth grade, the competition was tough!

I tried really hard to love Johnny. That summer I spent a couple weeks at my grandparents' house. My cousins Jamie and Jonathan lived closeby and they had an above-ground swimming pool, which for some reason I thought was da bomb!! I'd go over there and we'd swim unsupervised (which was perfectly allowed back in '92), gorge ourselves on pizza flavored Goldfish and Yoo-Hoo, and have contests to see who could splash the most water out of the pool. And then it never failed. Jamie would get the great idea to sneak inside to watch Dirty Dancing. (Sidenote: I had several friends whose parents had this crazy rule that when no parents were home, friends could come over, but we all had to stay outside to play. Because outside is so much safer than inside... with all the rapists (I'll take the-rapists for $200, Alex) and "ice cream" men lurking behind the shrubs). Anyway, I'd go along with it, making sure to bring the Goldfish to keep me occupied. And then she'd be all "see if you can do the tickle scene without laughing" and I never could and neither could she. But it cracked us up and we'd be rolling on the floor laughing our Yoo-Hoo filled brains out. So see? I tried. I played along. And in the end, I wound up crushing on a gay man:)

But to balance it all out, I had an equally-as-big-if-not-bigger crush on THIS 90's eye candy:

Hobie Buchanon. I'll never forget when he took the Make-A-Wish girl out to Lover's Cove. What a slut.

Anyway, I have no idea why I thought confessing any of this would be a good idea, but hopefully whoever is reading this will still be my friend.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

B to the rrrrr!

It just took me 20 minutes to sign back into this blog because in a matter of about 18 hours I forgot my username and password. I'm not even the kind of person who creates a zillion different variations of the same username/password... they're pretty much all the same! Yet, I somehow couldn't figure this one out. Whatever, I'm just confused and can't think about it anymore... and I think it's becaaaaaaaause of...

the snow? And maybe my brain froze. I know everyone is probably whining about it already, but I'm throwing my two cents in too because it's cold and tomorrow's Friday and I can do whatever I want because this is my blog! But really, do you know how cold it was this morning? I'll tell you how cold-- so cold that my hundred pound beast of a Golden Retriever climbed in bed with me and buried his ice cold nose under my chin. We nicknamed Midas "Harry" (for obvious reasons), so when Harry is cold, you know it's bad. And then? It was also so cold that I could barely bring myself to get out of bed to go to work. Which is also funny because I work upstairs and don't even have to get dressed or brush my teeth if I don't want to. So I took the comforter off my bed, wrapped myself in it, and went to work.

And also? The tulips and daffodils? They've got to be freezing. Because unlike Harry, they have no hair. See?

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


This blog is for Jennie B., on this the fourth day of April, 2007. And if there is nothing better within 24 hours, she can slap me silly and call me Sally, so help me God.