Friday, July 25, 2008


This morning in the shower I started thinking about my parents going from having no grandchildren to having two within a couple weeks of each other come this winter. Somehow this should-be beautiful thought suddenly became a horrible reminder of our lost baby and I found myself crying harder than I have in a long time.

Even in my happiest times, I think I will always miss this baby who I never held, never laid eyes upon, never met, yet who I loved with my entire heart and wanted nothing more than to protect and watch grow into a beautiful person.

I know God had bigger plans for me. I know that this child growing inside of me now has two parents who are anxiously awaiting every glimpse we can get of who he or she is. We can't wait to know this baby and love it with everything we have. But I will always miss my little angel.


Bryna said...

The Lord does things for a reason. Sometimes they suck, but know that this little one will be FANTASTIC!


Fumbling Towards Adulthood said...

I love you, HL.

And it's so ironic that you posted about this, because today, I had to buy a new day planner. (Long story, but I lost mine in Durham.) Anyway, I was filling in all of the important information like birthdays, work schedules, etc., and I happened to come across the first week of October and looked at your EDD. I put a little frown face in the box and felt so sad. Because even though you are in such a good place right now with Beansie and your job and life in general, I can only imagine the void that is still there. :( I am thinking of you, and I will never forget your first bebe.

I will try to call you again this weekend! :)

Jennifer said...

I hear ya girlie, I hear ya.