7/31/08

I can't believe today marks our 4 year wedding anniversary. Four years seems so... long. Yet, when I think of all that has gone on on our married lives, 4 years doesn't seem long enough to fit it all in! Between all the jobs, moves, weddings, vacations, having a baby on the way (twice!), 4 years couldn't possible be enough.

I love being married to my husband and I know that God blessed me with THE perfect match. I love my girlfriends dearly (and our friendships are priceless!), but the best friend I have in my sweetie is and always will be unbeatable:)

Tonight we're going to play Putt Putt and get ice cream (or dinner and a movie if it's too hot or raining).

Happy Anniversary, Weezie!

7.29.08

In honor of 17 weeks eve, I spent a little time giving a urine sample and hanging out in the waiting room while my doctor (STILL) was out, even though she was supposed to be back on Monday and I HEARD her in the back discussing my "issue". The "UTI" pains are still there and I still have all the symptoms, 5 days into my antibiotic. Like a fool, I googled UTI's during pregnancy and was startled by some of the associated problems. Which is why I called today to let them know I was still having pain and trouble "going".

They let me come in just for a urinalysis since I never actually had one. If you recall, the doctor my office referred me to called me in a script, on the assumption I had an infection.

Turns out... no UTI. But I'm supposed to keep taking the antibiotic, which makes really no sense, but I'll follow the directions like a good knocked up patient. At my regular appt. Monday she's going to do an internal exam to scope out the situation.

The latest belly pics:)

7.28.08

During my miscarriage, I posted a blog about the white feather that poofed out of my towel one night and landed on my toes. It's the feather on the right of the screen. I felt warmth and a sense of calm peace over that dainty little feather that held the strength to tumble out of nowhere and find its way to the dry spot on my toes-- protected, safe, put there for a purpose. Really, that feather represented so much to me. After that feather showed up, little white feathers started fluttering around the house just about daily. I'd find them tucked in the bed, drifting past my face in the living room, settling next to the dog at dinner. I'm telling you, these feathers were everywhere.

Tonight I stared at that picture and remembered the pain I was feeling at the time I took it. It made me think about who I was before February 1st. And who I've become.

I like this me much better. This me feels exhilerated by the thump, thump of an arm or a leg-- simply because it is my baby's arm or leg and it's HEALTHY! This me tears up at the thought of tickling my toddler and hearing the infectious sound of a whole-hearted giggle. This me is going to cherish every second with my babies. This me will remember to thank my children for being them. This me will want her sweet babies to know that I feel like the luckiest mom in the whole wide world, just because I get to be their mom. I don't know any of these children yet, but I love them all already. This me wants this for every woman who so desperately wants a child of her own.

And those feathers that kept popping up in the days surrounding the loss? I haven't seen a single one since. They came, they left their mark on my heart and they moved on. What a blessing.

7.27.08

I got peed on!

Yesterday Matt and I were walking Midas around the neighborhood. Midas' friends Frank and Millie were out playing in their yard, so we stopped for a visit. While Matt and I talked to the dogs' owner, Frank proceeded to lift his leg in the grass, and I happened to notice his forceful jetstream coming too close for comfort, so I stepped away.

A few minutes later, in the middle of hearing about Deborah's trip to Colorado, I noticed the back of my left leg felt cool. Thinking how odd it was to feel cool on such a warm day, but not wanting to appear uninterested in Deborah's story, I reached down and felt wetness on the calf of my pants. I casually looked back and noticed my black pants were noticably darker black with little splatter marks surrounding the wet spot. "Oh my God, did I pee my pants?" I thought, horrified. "I don't remember peeing. I'm dry everywhere else. I couldn't have."

I continued listening, trying not to laugh as I caught a glimpse of Matt watching this unfold. That's when I realized my right calf felt "cool" as well. It hit me that somewhere between Frank's turbo pee and me stepping aside, I had been MARKED. I was Frank's now.

At this point, I'd had enough of Colorado and asked Midas if he was ready to continue on his walk. Since he can't speak, I took his doggy oblivion as a yes and told Deborah we'd get together soon for a play date (the dogs, not us).

Matt and I laughed the whole way home as we tried to figure out how I never noticed Frank peeing on not one, but both of my legs.

I'm just glad I hadn't peed on myself!

7.26.08

I read that at 16 weeks most of the "baby belly" is not baby at all. It's my intestines all squished up and poking out of me. That's pretty disgusting. And so not cute! So much for rubbing my baby every night... all this time I've been rubbing my intestines!

7.25.08

This morning in the shower I started thinking about my parents going from having no grandchildren to having two within a couple weeks of each other come this winter. Somehow this should-be beautiful thought suddenly became a horrible reminder of our lost baby and I found myself crying harder than I have in a long time.

Even in my happiest times, I think I will always miss this baby who I never held, never laid eyes upon, never met, yet who I loved with my entire heart and wanted nothing more than to protect and watch grow into a beautiful person.

I know God had bigger plans for me. I know that this child growing inside of me now has two parents who are anxiously awaiting every glimpse we can get of who he or she is. We can't wait to know this baby and love it with everything we have. But I will always miss my little angel.

7.24.08

Three words: Urinary Tract Infection

No darn wonder I've been peeing like a madwoman... kinda explains all the pain too. I just assumed it was all normal. Until I spent the 2nd half of my drive to work hunched over at the wheel this morning. I decided to use my first Free Call pass to the nurses at my OB's office, who informed me that it definitely sounded like a UTI, but that I'd need to go to Urgent Care because both my OB and my family physician (same office) are on vacation for 2 weeks.

Um, no? Turns out saying "no" can have it's advantages. They hooked me up with another OB in town who called me in a prescription and all was well:)

Now let's just hope this really is a UTI and not something like water behind the kidneys (the dangers of Googling while pregnant). I'll take my chances.

7.23.08

My baby can hear my voice! If he still had his eyes open (they go on lockdown sometime after the eyelids form), he'd be able to bat his eyelashes too because he officially has lashes and brows.

The flutters continue and I love it. I'm finally getting to connect, phyiscally, with this child, which is such an incredible feeling. I can't wait to be a Mom and learn every nook and cranny, every sprout of baby fine hair, and each little finger and toe of my sweetie pie.

...who is now an avocado



And for any bosses out there, beware, today is Insult Your Boss Day '08. I have a couple teachers who I would kind of like to push me over the edge. I'll keep some pink slips handy today:)

7.22.08

Thanks for all the input! Between the nesties and my regulars (holla!) we're at something like 15 soothing aloe 12 thunder bay. Or the other way around. Or something close. Either way, I'm still torn!

I picked up 2 little sample size cans of each, so I'm going to give them a try, which has the added benefit of motivating me to finish the job asap so I won't have a couple of random paint splotches hanging out on my bathroom walls. Smart, no?

7.21.08

Please help me choose a paint color for our master bathroom! We live in a condo, so it's not a huge place, which means I'd like to keep the colors minimal, and subtle. Although most of the house is still white/off white, I already have a robin's egg blue guest bath and a moss green laundry room, so that's enough pizzazz:)

Here are pics of our bedroom view into the bathroom, the feel for the room and the three colors I've narrowed it down to. Obviously I want it all to flow nicly. No matter what, I'll probably have a white shower curtain... clean & simple.



Whispering Pine, Soothing Aloe, Thunder Bay



View from the bedroom. Note the vanity/wood color



The wall opposite the bathroom

7.21.08

A random photo update of happenings in the C house...

15w4d belly!



Compared to 13 weeks, things appear to be moving upward. Does that mean girl???



The very messy beginning of a nursery



Matt suddenly discovers that his pregnancy symptoms have an official title-- couvade (I just asked if he remembered the word and he replied "yeah, crudite". God love him.)




Midas stealing a minute with what has become The Family Boppy.



This awesome sweatshirt arrived in a care package from my grandmother. The package also contained a 2 yr. old tin of assorted popcorns, a moo moo (I swear to God), rose petal soaps, and magazines from 1987 STILL IN THE SHRINKWRAP. We were a little speachless (Mostly because we couldn't stop belly laughing long enough to speak. Bless her heart.)

7.17.08

Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law, Suzanne! She is busy growing my little nephew this year, which is no easy task. I just looked at all of her "big" ultrasound pictures from last week and that child is measuring way ahead! He's a big boy!!! I can't wait to meet him:)

I think Little Beansies knows the Olympics are about to start. He spent the day doing one heck of a gmynastics routine in utero. It is amazing to feel his wooshes, swooshes and flutters. Sometimes it feels like a little bumble bee... a buzzing feeling. I can't believe that is my child. Inside of me. Unreal.

Tomorrow I am scheduling at actual lunch break for myself. We've been so busy that I can't even remember if I've taken a lunch break yet this week. I love my job and I really love being busy. But since tomorrow is Friday, I'm forcing both Erica and myself to close our doors and leave the building. We set alarms on 3 different phones to make 100% sure that children get medication, snack, visits, you name it... and tomorrow I'm going to program an extra little treat into our phones:)

Fifteen weeks, baby! I've felt what I think are baby movements below my belly button. They're more wooshy than kicky, but it's pretty early so maybe I'll feel some kicks in the next few weeks!

Today my little love bug is a naval orange, which is fitting as I've become a lover of orange creamsicles in the last couple days. Coincidence? I think not.

This morning I put my bra on over top of my shirt. I was in the process of hooking it together when I looked in the mirror and wondered what in God's name I was doing. I walked out of the bedroom and stood in the doorway to the living room laughing my head off while Matt stared at me, shaking his head.



Continuing the march towards normal proportions, baby's legs now outmeasure the arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably still can't feel the movements.

7.15.08

Congratulations to my sweetie pie:) I am officially married to Richard Belding himself! And yes, I do take every opportunity I can to call him Mr. Belding.

Tonight, instead of going out and celebrating with his pregnant wife, he chose the ultimate in Matt C festivities... All Star game, pizza and beer. He is so happy:)

(And for someone who loves cute old men, watching the All-Star game, at least the pre-game show, is pretty fun for me! So many receding hairlines, overgrown ear lobes and struggling combovers. Old guys are so darn cute.)

7.14.08

Today is Matt's Principal interview. I think I'm more nervous than he is! Yesterday I asked him how he was feeling and his response was "good". I think he thought I was referring to his cold, so I then asked "Are you nervous for tomorrow?" His response was "Ehh, that's tomorrow. I'll worry about that tomorrow."

The Good Lord blessed my husband with all the calm in the world. In fact, I've never once seen Matt stressed out. Ever.

I forgot to post this week's fruit! Even though it's about to change, here she is! I love the description of him/her thumb sucking and toe wiggling:) Unfortunately, I don't think the baby is the only one growing lanugo! Seriously no one told me my belly would turn into a gigantic peach!



Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth.

7.11.08

Happy 7-11! Go get yourself a free slurpy today:)

My belly is hard! Well, not hard hard, but harder and it's definitely a wierd feeling. The space between my bra and my ribs feels so... full... and hard. I'm assuming it's due to some organ rearrangement, just making room for this pudgkin. I love it:)

My brother and his wife got a surprise yesterday... an early ultrasound that revealed they are having a baby BOY! I'm so excited for them! I love being able to picture them as a Mommy and Daddy with their son. Bring on the babies!!!

7.9.08

Things are going so well for Matt and me right now that I'm starting to worry what is around the corner. We have a baby on the way, have had a smooth pregnancy so far, I started my new job today and Matt was more or less offered the Principal position at his high school yesterday. The offer came from the Superintendent. He interviews Monday.

I want to be happy and feel thankful for these blessings, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about what awful news awaits us to bring it all to an end.

****
On a more uplifting note, I just walked past the bedroom and caught a glimpse of Matt reading "The Expectant Father" in bed. Precious:)

7.8.08

Yesterday was a glorious day! I didn't stop smiling, except for when I left Lisa a voicemail crying about how I know she'll soon be pregnant and not to worry, which resulted in her return crying voicemail, which of course made me cry again when I retold the story to my coworkers:) Hormones are fun!

This appointment went much smoother than last time-- I will forever schedule early a.m. appts from now on. We got right in, Matt hid out at the door when the nurse directed me to the restroom, which made all the ladies giggle. Once he had "permission", he headed back to Room 5 and waited for me to join him.

After being weighed, I hesitantly asked the nurse how much of a change there had been since last time and, bless her heart, she didn't even say the number out loud! She simply said, "It's exactly the same as last time." My jaw fell to the ground considering somewhere around week 7 I began eating an entire grocery aisle each week and I was SURE I had gained 5-10 pounds judging by the NYC pictures. (I'll give some credit to it being an early morning appointment vs. the last one which was around 5 pm. But that's just between us.)

Dr. S came in and after a few short questions, got right to business with the doppler! I laid back on the table, she squirted some goop on my belly, flipped a switch and the room filled with a loud, scratchy, not-heartbeat-like sound. I wonder if that's what the baby hears all the time. I think I read that the amniotic fluid buffers a lot of sound though, so maybe it's nice and quiet. Conducive to tropical naps afloat a blow-up raft.

So the Dr. searched and searched. She fiddled on the left side, on the right side and everywhere in between. At one point, I thought I heard a very distant pulsation, but she paid no attention to it. Several minutes later she still hadn't found it and I so badly wanted to say "leftt side! left side!" (Matt later told me he was thinking the same thing) but then she informed us that the slow beat is mine and we were listening for a fast beat. After many, many (maybe 5?) minutes she FINALLY found our Little Beansie beating away!!!

I wanted to cry, laugh and take a deep breath all at once, but I made myself stay as still as possible so she wouldn't lose the spot. It sounded so beautiful!

160-ish beats per minute. Matt thinks it's definitely a boy because he was lounging in the center-- he thinks boys are centered, focused, balanced and rational. My hormones have really left an impression on him in these 13 weeks!

At next month's appointment we'll schedule our big ultrasound where we'll find out for sure if we're having a boy or girl! She said we could do it between 18 and 20 weeks and since Matt starts back to school on week 19, we're hoping to get in at week 18, which is only about 4 weeks away, friends! FOUR WEEKS! This is unreal.

I never thought I was capable of getting this far. As I changed into my work uniform, I held my hands over the spot where Dr. S found Little Beansies and said over and over "I love you, I love you, I love you."

7.6.08

We returned from a weekend at Lakeside this evening and I am happy to say that it went pretty well. Matt's sister got engaged and my mother in law asked if we'd mind if she ditched our child's birth so she could attend a friend's daughter's wedding in Lake Tahoe instead. Starting off well, Grandma. My expectations get lower and lower with each passing visit.

Tonight we were watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels and Gene and Shannon went on an Un-Honeymoon to celebrate their Un-marriage. They have 2 kids and have been together for like 20 years and simply haven't gotten married. But I think Shannon wants to be married. But anyway, Gene takes her on an Un-honeymoon to Hawaii and I decided I would like to go on on an Un-honeymoon too. But when I asked Matt if we could he said "Sure, we just have to get Un-married first". (I'm not sure why I keep capitalizing "Un".) Then my dumb self proclaimed "Guess that means we'll have to get Un-pregnant too!" On the eve of my long-anticipated and very-nervous-for doctor's appointment.

Little Beansies, God, Baby Jesus, Internets: I didn't mean it. I'm scared to death that I'll regret my stupid comment in about 12 hours.

7.4.08

It's 3am and I wanna go to bed.

(Does anyone NOT from Wittenberg know this song?)

2 days of lifting/carrying/rocking/hauling/lying down/swooping in on babies has killed my body. There's no way I could have carried on like this for 6 more months. My joints are so loose I feel like a ghost skeleton ready to collapse. Not to mention I threw up in the sink in the middle of trying to change a poop-filled diaper. Not going to work out.

No sleep last night due to more sore, achey muscles. Everything from my kneck to my knees (seriously, sore wrists?!?) hurts.

Fireworks and dogs don't mix. Which is why our 100 pound Golden Retriever ended up in bed with us just minutes after falling asleep. And I don't mean he snuggled up at the end of the bed. We shared a pillow.

It's now storming.

My stomach was growling after 30 minutes of lying in bed begging myself to fall back asleep. Mark this down as pregnant middle-of-the-night snack #2. Life cereal (out of milk) and a glass of orange strawberry pineapple juice. It's a good thing this baby's womb has no view.

I found out that on my first day as Asst. Director next week, we're letting someone go. And at the last second a few other people found out about the Asst. Director opening and wanted an interview. The job is still mine, but my Director is giving them interviews to be fair. (although I'm not sure how fair it really is to string someone along) I just wish no one else had been interested. I don't want anyone to be upset that I got the position over them, especially after taking a 3 week vacation, being pregnant, etc. Sigh. At some point I'm going to have to accept that people aren't going to like me all the time. I hate people not liking me.

Lisa threw up at work yesterday. Please, God, let her be pregnant. PLEASE.

I just remembered Matt brought me a rootbear float from Wendy's last night. It's in the freezer:) I must stay away. Life cereal is so much safer.

After 2 nice hours of sleep, I woke up at 6 with a charlie horse in my calf. I've never seen Matt jump so fast! Then again, I've never woken up from a dead sleep screaming "OH GOD, OH JESUS, OHHHHHHHH HELP ME!!" I am so proud of him! I think he might just work out.

7.2.08

We have a new little bambino in the nursery this week! She is a precious little girl who will be turning 1 year old in about 2 weeks. When I first picked her up, she almost went flying right over my head, she was that light. In fact, she's still in size 2 diapers, which are for 12-18 lbs. We have younger ones in size 4's already!

I can't help but wonder if her diet of tofu, tomatoes, green peppers and an unidentifiable yellow fruit has anything to do with this. I'm not judging in any way. Props to her mom and dad for being health conscious and not just plopping a Gerber Graduates in front of her. It's great that they are open to providing her with a well-rounded diet. But tofu? Green peppers? She hardley has enough teef to eat them with. And the sad fact is, she doesn't eat any of it. She holds out for her bottles every time.

Can't say I blame her. Cold, plain tofu? I'm gagging on the inside. Even baby green beans would taste better, I'm sure:(

7.1.08

What makes for a good girls weekend?

I used to think among the top key ingredients was good drinks. Now, I'm not so sure about that, although good drinks do add certain level of entertainment to the mix. But in a pinch, like say pregnancy, good drinks aren't really a necessity.

Good food? Definitely.

Good friends? Obviously.

Good conversations? For sure.

This afternoon I was thinking about the weekend I recently spent with my dear friends, Lisa and Molly while lounging in the sun and floating the days away at my parents' lake house. We didn't do a whole lot. Aside from the requisite eat, eat more and while you're at it, eat a little more, fall asleep watching Lifetime movies and act inappropriately with swimming noodles, we mostly vegged out.

But one afternoon while on the boat I posed a question to my dear friends and was met with overwhelming reassurance that caught me by surprise. The topic? Spider veins.

I've got 'em. I've had 'em since I was in middle school, I think. They're on the outside of my thighs, right above my knees. And the more pregnant I get, the less attractive they become. And what's worse? They've spread to the inside of my thighs. Pretty soon they are going to meet in the middle and form a barbed wire tattoo of veinage.

But you know what? They've got 'em too!! My mother says it's from crossing my legs too much. She suggested I stop and see if they disappear. Right, Mom. She also reminded me that her's were so bad at one time that she had them lasered off (come to find out that Molly's mom did this, too!). They of course came back, those little bastards. It was about this time that she gave me the bad news that spider veins are genetic. Big butt? check. Double chin? check. Spider veins? check that one of as well.

But the point is, without girls weekends, how would you know that spider veins are perfectly normal in your mid-twenties? If it weren't for good friends and being trapped in a lycra nightmare, I probably would've waited another decade to pose a question like this to a group of women.

But not dear friends. Because dear friends don't just comfort you when you're down, they join right in and commiserate with you:)

7.1.08

Tomorrow marks 13 weeks! My next doctor's appointment is Monday, so hopefully this won't be the last fruit update I make. Although judging by the blueberry pancakes I just threw up, it shouldn't be:)

My cold is muuuuuch better today. I was prepared to call my doctor today and ask for anything to help me breathe. I was beginning to feel clausterphobic and panicky in my own head. But thankfully it seems to be on the mend now.

And now for the Beansie:



Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)