While doing a little rearranging of my Myspace (might as well organize some part of my life, right?) I found my very first blog ever. It was written on February 16, 2006, almost 2 years ago. It doesn't seem that long ago, but the carefree outlook on becoming pregnant seems worlds away.
Adventures of the HPT
This morning I had the joy of experiencing my first trip to the drugstore for, what I've come to learn on www.thenest.com "Babies on the Brain" discussion board, stands for Home Pregnancy Test. You may be thinking to yourself, "is she seriously going to write about taking a pregnancy test on myspace?" Well, sort of. The last 60 minutes of my day just begs to be shared with a few, select friends. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this rendention of "Katie's adventures of the HPT"
So, sitting in front of me on my desk at this very moment is a shiny little pink and purple box, about the size of a box of Cracker Jacks. Only difference is, there's a silhouette of a naked chick standing on the side and a couple of sticks inside that make no sense to me, but promise results in 30 seconds or less. That's the best darn promise I've heard in quite sometime, which is why, standing in the tampon/KY/Trojan/Summer's Eve aisle of CVS with the dirty old pharmacist man watching uncomfortably close, I settled on this very test. I mean, you do get 2 sticks for the price of 1, the box was sorta pretty, and they support the March of Dimes. What the hey! Unfortunately, I can't honestly say that I felt so nonchalant about my purchase, as one can probably predict. I grabbed the box and made my way up to the front of the store to pay.
Of course, this couldn't just be a simple, smooth, snag-free transaction. A tall blonde swooped in and stole the first spot in line at the last second, meaning I got to stand in the direct path of any customer, man or woman, who entered the store. Being the glass-half-full kind of gal I am, I reassured myself that I was actually in the better position because a) the cashier was nowhere to be found, which meant that b) we had to wait in line for an extra minute or so, therefore meaning c) me being in the back spot guaranteed slightly more privacy. Instead of hot blonde zeroing in on my pink-boxed-naked-chick, I actually got the privilege of noticing the dimples on her behindJ.
So hottie paid for her bizarrely large purchase of clearance Valentine's Day candy, and I nervously stepped up to the cash register. OK, let's confront the fact that I really should NOT be feeling like a 15-yr old who is about to go take the HPT in a McDonalds bathroom stall, but I do! Let's face it, I look like I'm 15. I have curly hair that is "cute", a round face that is "cute" that I'm frequently told I'll wish I still had some day, am wearing "cute" flare leg jeans with the backs soaking wet thanks to the fact that I'm a "cute" 5'3" and NO jeans fit right and it's pouring down rain outside, AND I'm wearing ADORABLE Mary Janes. So yeah, I don't exactly come across as the most "mature" looking "woman". Lucky for me, I have my secret weapon on: The WEDDING RING.
I set the box on the counter and reached in my purse, using my LEFT hand. I then proceeded to pretty much do EVERYTHING with my left handJ.
"Do you have a CVS card?" clerky asks.
I consider displaying my deep thought with a swift chin hold/finger tap against my cheek a la left hand, when I think better of it.
"No, thank you!" I say in a very cheery, motherly way, that would warrant me the RIGHT to become a mother, if need be. I swipe my card.
"Go ahead and sign on the line," the cashier tells me.
Damn, I think. Gotta switch to the right or else I'll have the handwriting of an 8 yr-old, which really is not the direction I'm interested in heading.
She prints my receipt and I'm off. I'm amazed at how nice she was about the whole situation. Maybe I really am old enough to pull this off...or maybe it was the ring. I hopped back in the car, buckled my seatbelt, and looked up. "Expectant Mothers Only". I honestly laughed out loud and pulled out of my spot.
Now, at this point in my adventure, I will say that I had begun to feel a lot better about my public HPT excursion. I mean, if this is meant to be, it's meant to be! Shoot, I saw a woman with an HPT at Meijer once and thought it was really neat that she might be taking the first step, well, I guess not TECHnically the FIRST step, but you know, ON HER WAY to a completely new life. I actually felt like I was beginning to embrace the idea and not feel embarrassed for being a married woman buying an HPT.
So I'm driving away, now en route to the HD's (Hot Dentist) office to pick up some x-rays for Matt. Everything starts revolving around possibly being pregnant. I start to think of what it would be like to having a car seat behind me (where Midas was, at the time, hanging his head out the window, lips flapping in the wind). Where would the crib go? Could I still work from home and balance having a newborn? By the time I got to the HDs office I actually had a smile on my facethe kind where you don't realize you're smiling ...until... you realize it! I walk up to the door thinking, "if I had a baby with me, I couldn't just leave the car running with him or her in it, while I run inif I had a baby with me this, if I had a baby with me that...". So anyway, I walk up to the counter and HD greets me, personally, by name.
"Hi, Katie! How's it going?"
"Hiiiiiii...great, how are you doing?" I reply
"Not too bad. Not too bad. What's been goin on?"
"Oh, not too much. Just taking a pregnancy test."
Ok, Ok, I didn't really say that, but it was right there on my mind! I'm telling you, everything revolves around THAT thought. Like when Midas and I got home and he hopped out of the backseat and took a pee pee. I stood there thinking how lucky he was that he just gets to pee, while I have to hold mine for the next 4 hours to get an accurate reading. Four hours is a long time when you are peeing more than normally as it is, or at least it seems so! Add to that the nervousness factor and the 2 cups of coffee consumed for breakfast, which will cease indefinitely if I do, in fact, see two lines!
It's just funny how, after telling friends and family for a year and half, "no, no, we want to wait at least 5 or 10 years before having kids" just how easily that can change when the possibility of having a child in just 9 months from now arises. Suddenly those vacations and new cars and cool "things" really aren't that important. Suddenly I'm love with someone who may not even exist yet. Suddenly I'm hoping that my little baby really is there and this is all real! Suddenly I feel so completely not-in-control of the situation, but feel 100% confident that whatever the outcome is, it is all in God's plan for Matt and me and I'm beyond excited to find out what the future holds.
Update: Test results were negative. ...and we're currently planning a vacation for April! Maybe we'll drive our new car and buy some cool things to take along! Cuz I am a Gemini and that's the way we roll;)