1.25.08

****OK, if I could set this post to private, I would (can I?), but since I don't think I can and I want this blog record every moment of my TTC journey, I'm posting it. Please don't share this news with anyone, especially family members. Suzanne, I know that'll be impossible to keep from Andy, so you do what you have to do and I'll understand:) I'm not even telling my mom right now. Soooooo...


Today my life changed. I. Am. Pregnant!!! After taking a Dollar Store test* on a whim at 11 dpo, (also a neg on 8dpo and 10 dpo), I took the test upstairs to my desk so I could get started on some writing while I waited. About 10 minutes later, I remembered the test was waiting for me. I looked once and thought "another neg, just as I figured" but then I glanced again and lo and behold I saw the faintest of a faint line. I held it up to the light, I held it away from the light, I turned it upside down, I laid it flat on the desk. There it was... I thought! I took a picture to email to Lisa for a second opinion. The picture showed a faint line on my camera, but not on the uploaded copy. I posted it on thenest.com BOTB message board and received a whopping 22 replies! Some said "no line", most said "congratulations!" One woman even inverted the colors in my photo to enhance the faint line a little more!

I decided to pick up a digital pregnancy test for a second opinion, even though I really should have waited to test in the morning. I just couldn't resist! Matt won't be home until very late tonight as he is on duty at the boy's Friday night basketball game. Sure enough, the digital test, after displaying a spinning hourglass for a couple minutes, read "Pregnant". I died. I jumped up and down, I spun around, I covered my mouth, and I re-read the test at least a dozen times in that first minute.

I immediately called Lisa, who I had talked to in the car on my way home from the store, and shared my very exciting news. She is also trying to conceive so I felt privileged to have such an understanding girlfriend to confide in. My next call was to Matt's cousin Debbie (after calling twice and reaching her husband, Matt, he asked me "Are you really that bored on a Friday night?!") I then left her a voicemail as she was "getting the hair ripped off her lip" at the moment of my call. But when she returned my call her first words were "You're pregnant, aren't you?!" She and Matt had it figured out already:) She then shared with me her pregnancy advice, stories from her pregnancies with Luke and Julia, retrieved her copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," and offerred to accompany me to any doctor's visits that Matt is unable to make it to. How exciting:)

As I sit here, still checking the pregnancy test for fear that it will change its mind, I am in awe of the baby growing inside of me. God has chosen this child's eye color, finger prints, hair (my blonde curls or Matt's soft, straight, dark locks?), skin tone (Mommy's fair skin that burns every summer or Daddy's handsome dark, year-round tan that makes anyone jealous?)... God has decided everything about this sweet child that is just a wee little spec tonight.

And then worry begins to creep in. Will the pregnancy stick? Will my baby be healthy? Can we really afford such a huge life change? HOW DO I TELL MATT???

But the worry fades away when I glance back at the screen still reading "Pregnant". How very lucky am I? I am having a baby. God loves me so much He is giving me a sweet child to carry, deliver and raise to do awesome things in this world. I am already so proud.

So tonight when Matt comes home, I have a big, glorious secret to share with him. I pray that he accepts the news happily, but I also ask the Lord to give him confidence, security and peace in the blessing He has given upon us. Life is awesome!

*Dollar store tests are among the most sensitive HPTs on the market, so don't waste your $$ on the big kahunas until you mostly need confirmation.