One year ago I was at a very low point, about 2 weeks into mourning the loss of a future with a baby we would never hold, never see... whose soft head we would never stroke, whose toes we would never tickle. February was a very sad month.
By May, we found out we were pregnant again. With a baby whose eyes we hadn't yet gazed into, whose nose we hadn't yet kissed, whose name we did not even know. That little Beansie became our sweet Lilly, whose belly we now tickle, whose long eyelashes make our hearts flutter... whose gummy smile we've just begun to see!
Last week a neighbor told me that when babies smile it means they are seeing an angel. I personally like this idea better than "when babies smile it means they have gas." Last night Lilly gave us her first real smile-- I thought she'd had real smiles before, but no. Not like this one. As I "goo-chi-goo-chi-goo'ed" the corners of her eyes turned up, and then the corners of her sweet lips... and there they were, those adorable baby gums smiling away at us! Again, this morning, as I rocked her before her morning lap, all nicely tucked into the crook of my arm, she looked up at me, turned her face in towards my chest and gave me a bashful grin.
It certainly warms my heart to think that maybe, just maybe, her angel sister was with us at those moments, whispering to Lilly, "Go for it."