Thursday, July 9, 2009


Gosh, July?? How is time going so fast?

Today Lilly and I went shopping while Matt stayed home to get more homework done. Some days we go out and have such a fun time together, others??? Well, outings are NOT always fun-filled, googly eyed, look-how-cute-my-baby-is adventures.

Today, for instance.

A quick stop at the UPS store, followed by a swing through the mall to return a dress at Gymboree and then pick out something very unsecretive from Victoria's Secret for my friend's bachelorette party and a couple new bras for myself. Of course the regular old Plain Jane Body By Victoria bras are so outdated, which shows how long it's been since I've been bra shopping, that they are housed in a tiny little half-corner of the store that should be labeled "Frumpy Women Who Don't Even Know Their Bra Size". Since this sign didn't exist I had to ask the salesgirl where I could find them, which led to her asking when the last I was fitted was. Well, that would be never, Sapphire. (Yes, her name was Sapphire.) As I pushed Lilly's stroller back and forth, back and forth, Sapphire whipped the tape measure around the girls and declared I was an ungodly size. I thought to myself "Oh God, I'm one of those women on Oprah who *think* they're one size only to be secretly filmed and then bum rushed on the street to be told she's 4 sizes off and wearing the wrong style socks with her heels.

Heh, that was a joke.

I would never wear socks with heels. All one pair that I own.

So one thing led to another and Sapphire has me in the handicapped fitting room with a Bra Box containing 10 different bras in my gigundo size. I lifted Lilly out of the stroller to squelch the fuss bombs that were about to erupt and as Sapphire explained the technology behind the E42 Fort Ticondoroga Demi Plie Bra I caught a familiar whiff of poo seeping from my daughters southern side.


Somewhere between the Boring Old Body By Victoria and the most popular something-or-other, I blurted out "Those things are huge." She looked at me and realized she'd made a bustly mistake. I continued to bounce Lilly on my knee praying I wouldn't waft the stench of last night's prunes and apples with each squishy bounce. Sapphire never seemed to notice.

But I realized this is what motherhood is. No longer can I take a leisurely stroll through the mall, pop into Victoria's Secret on a whim to browse their newest panty selections and walk out with a coordinated bra and panty set... or two... feeling sexy, put together, and confident. Nope, motherhood is rejoicing in the fact that I tackled the UPS store, Target AND the mall WITH a poopy diaper, a bottle on a bench next to the Wireless kiosk, and even picked a booger all without any measurable meltdowns from myself or the Lil.


Bead Up said...

OMG this is hilarious. Though, I must admit, VS is getting to the point where I am avoiding it AS IF I had a gassy baby with me since, as you so thoughtfully point out, all the bras I finally learned to love are now for old farts, apparently? Heck, I don't even have a gassy baby and I can't get out of there with a bra that fits well. Also, it seems like each one I buy goes bad after a few months - like it stretches or something. Anyone else have this problem? My brand loyalty just won't let me try out what Macy's or Nordstrom has to offer...

Nine said...

LMAO! this pretty much sums it up for me too! How much did we take for granted things like running errands and leisurely shopping!

Anonymous said...

What a day! Your story cracked me up.

Trisha.R.Jackson said...

I'm sweating just reading this. You forgot the part where hormones are causing your thighs to create farting noises every time you walk because their sticking together with sweat. And that your perfume is now closely related to baby puke.

And the girls. Gosh, those girls cause all sorts of issues, no? Sadly we still opt for comfy old-lady bras. I'm hoping to roll mine up into something comfy soon.

So I'm wondering - did the poo escape?

Fumbling Towards Adulthood said...

Sapphire, LOL. Freals?

Our Life in Pixels said...

You crack me up! I laughed through this entire post! Thank you!

I recently went into Aerie ( an affiliate of American Eagle) and I tried on a couple of bras. Ha!! The size I thought I could fit into, was NOT it! I too need to get measured. I told them that I would wait till I was done nursing and then I would be back.

Gotta love motherhood!


Anonymous said...

Seriously you crack me up!!