I can't believe today marks our 4 year wedding anniversary. Four years seems so... long. Yet, when I think of all that has gone on on our married lives, 4 years doesn't seem long enough to fit it all in! Between all the jobs, moves, weddings, vacations, having a baby on the way (twice!), 4 years couldn't possible be enough.
I love being married to my husband and I know that God blessed me with THE perfect match. I love my girlfriends dearly (and our friendships are priceless!), but the best friend I have in my sweetie is and always will be unbeatable:)
Tonight we're going to play Putt Putt and get ice cream (or dinner and a movie if it's too hot or raining).
Happy Anniversary, Weezie!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
7.29.08
In honor of 17 weeks eve, I spent a little time giving a urine sample and hanging out in the waiting room while my doctor (STILL) was out, even though she was supposed to be back on Monday and I HEARD her in the back discussing my "issue". The "UTI" pains are still there and I still have all the symptoms, 5 days into my antibiotic. Like a fool, I googled UTI's during pregnancy and was startled by some of the associated problems. Which is why I called today to let them know I was still having pain and trouble "going".
They let me come in just for a urinalysis since I never actually had one. If you recall, the doctor my office referred me to called me in a script, on the assumption I had an infection.
Turns out... no UTI. But I'm supposed to keep taking the antibiotic, which makes really no sense, but I'll follow the directions like a good knocked up patient. At my regular appt. Monday she's going to do an internal exam to scope out the situation.
The latest belly pics:)
They let me come in just for a urinalysis since I never actually had one. If you recall, the doctor my office referred me to called me in a script, on the assumption I had an infection.
Turns out... no UTI. But I'm supposed to keep taking the antibiotic, which makes really no sense, but I'll follow the directions like a good knocked up patient. At my regular appt. Monday she's going to do an internal exam to scope out the situation.
The latest belly pics:)
Monday, July 28, 2008
7.28.08
During my miscarriage, I posted a blog about the white feather that poofed out of my towel one night and landed on my toes. It's the feather on the right of the screen. I felt warmth and a sense of calm peace over that dainty little feather that held the strength to tumble out of nowhere and find its way to the dry spot on my toes-- protected, safe, put there for a purpose. Really, that feather represented so much to me. After that feather showed up, little white feathers started fluttering around the house just about daily. I'd find them tucked in the bed, drifting past my face in the living room, settling next to the dog at dinner. I'm telling you, these feathers were everywhere.
Tonight I stared at that picture and remembered the pain I was feeling at the time I took it. It made me think about who I was before February 1st. And who I've become.
I like this me much better. This me feels exhilerated by the thump, thump of an arm or a leg-- simply because it is my baby's arm or leg and it's HEALTHY! This me tears up at the thought of tickling my toddler and hearing the infectious sound of a whole-hearted giggle. This me is going to cherish every second with my babies. This me will remember to thank my children for being them. This me will want her sweet babies to know that I feel like the luckiest mom in the whole wide world, just because I get to be their mom. I don't know any of these children yet, but I love them all already. This me wants this for every woman who so desperately wants a child of her own.
And those feathers that kept popping up in the days surrounding the loss? I haven't seen a single one since. They came, they left their mark on my heart and they moved on. What a blessing.
Tonight I stared at that picture and remembered the pain I was feeling at the time I took it. It made me think about who I was before February 1st. And who I've become.
I like this me much better. This me feels exhilerated by the thump, thump of an arm or a leg-- simply because it is my baby's arm or leg and it's HEALTHY! This me tears up at the thought of tickling my toddler and hearing the infectious sound of a whole-hearted giggle. This me is going to cherish every second with my babies. This me will remember to thank my children for being them. This me will want her sweet babies to know that I feel like the luckiest mom in the whole wide world, just because I get to be their mom. I don't know any of these children yet, but I love them all already. This me wants this for every woman who so desperately wants a child of her own.
And those feathers that kept popping up in the days surrounding the loss? I haven't seen a single one since. They came, they left their mark on my heart and they moved on. What a blessing.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
7.27.08
I got peed on!
Yesterday Matt and I were walking Midas around the neighborhood. Midas' friends Frank and Millie were out playing in their yard, so we stopped for a visit. While Matt and I talked to the dogs' owner, Frank proceeded to lift his leg in the grass, and I happened to notice his forceful jetstream coming too close for comfort, so I stepped away.
A few minutes later, in the middle of hearing about Deborah's trip to Colorado, I noticed the back of my left leg felt cool. Thinking how odd it was to feel cool on such a warm day, but not wanting to appear uninterested in Deborah's story, I reached down and felt wetness on the calf of my pants. I casually looked back and noticed my black pants were noticably darker black with little splatter marks surrounding the wet spot. "Oh my God, did I pee my pants?" I thought, horrified. "I don't remember peeing. I'm dry everywhere else. I couldn't have."
I continued listening, trying not to laugh as I caught a glimpse of Matt watching this unfold. That's when I realized my right calf felt "cool" as well. It hit me that somewhere between Frank's turbo pee and me stepping aside, I had been MARKED. I was Frank's now.
At this point, I'd had enough of Colorado and asked Midas if he was ready to continue on his walk. Since he can't speak, I took his doggy oblivion as a yes and told Deborah we'd get together soon for a play date (the dogs, not us).
Matt and I laughed the whole way home as we tried to figure out how I never noticed Frank peeing on not one, but both of my legs.
I'm just glad I hadn't peed on myself!
Yesterday Matt and I were walking Midas around the neighborhood. Midas' friends Frank and Millie were out playing in their yard, so we stopped for a visit. While Matt and I talked to the dogs' owner, Frank proceeded to lift his leg in the grass, and I happened to notice his forceful jetstream coming too close for comfort, so I stepped away.
A few minutes later, in the middle of hearing about Deborah's trip to Colorado, I noticed the back of my left leg felt cool. Thinking how odd it was to feel cool on such a warm day, but not wanting to appear uninterested in Deborah's story, I reached down and felt wetness on the calf of my pants. I casually looked back and noticed my black pants were noticably darker black with little splatter marks surrounding the wet spot. "Oh my God, did I pee my pants?" I thought, horrified. "I don't remember peeing. I'm dry everywhere else. I couldn't have."
I continued listening, trying not to laugh as I caught a glimpse of Matt watching this unfold. That's when I realized my right calf felt "cool" as well. It hit me that somewhere between Frank's turbo pee and me stepping aside, I had been MARKED. I was Frank's now.
At this point, I'd had enough of Colorado and asked Midas if he was ready to continue on his walk. Since he can't speak, I took his doggy oblivion as a yes and told Deborah we'd get together soon for a play date (the dogs, not us).
Matt and I laughed the whole way home as we tried to figure out how I never noticed Frank peeing on not one, but both of my legs.
I'm just glad I hadn't peed on myself!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
7.26.08
I read that at 16 weeks most of the "baby belly" is not baby at all. It's my intestines all squished up and poking out of me. That's pretty disgusting. And so not cute! So much for rubbing my baby every night... all this time I've been rubbing my intestines!
Friday, July 25, 2008
7.25.08
This morning in the shower I started thinking about my parents going from having no grandchildren to having two within a couple weeks of each other come this winter. Somehow this should-be beautiful thought suddenly became a horrible reminder of our lost baby and I found myself crying harder than I have in a long time.
Even in my happiest times, I think I will always miss this baby who I never held, never laid eyes upon, never met, yet who I loved with my entire heart and wanted nothing more than to protect and watch grow into a beautiful person.
I know God had bigger plans for me. I know that this child growing inside of me now has two parents who are anxiously awaiting every glimpse we can get of who he or she is. We can't wait to know this baby and love it with everything we have. But I will always miss my little angel.
Even in my happiest times, I think I will always miss this baby who I never held, never laid eyes upon, never met, yet who I loved with my entire heart and wanted nothing more than to protect and watch grow into a beautiful person.
I know God had bigger plans for me. I know that this child growing inside of me now has two parents who are anxiously awaiting every glimpse we can get of who he or she is. We can't wait to know this baby and love it with everything we have. But I will always miss my little angel.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
7.24.08
Three words: Urinary Tract Infection
No darn wonder I've been peeing like a madwoman... kinda explains all the pain too. I just assumed it was all normal. Until I spent the 2nd half of my drive to work hunched over at the wheel this morning. I decided to use my first Free Call pass to the nurses at my OB's office, who informed me that it definitely sounded like a UTI, but that I'd need to go to Urgent Care because both my OB and my family physician (same office) are on vacation for 2 weeks.
Um, no? Turns out saying "no" can have it's advantages. They hooked me up with another OB in town who called me in a prescription and all was well:)
Now let's just hope this really is a UTI and not something like water behind the kidneys (the dangers of Googling while pregnant). I'll take my chances.
No darn wonder I've been peeing like a madwoman... kinda explains all the pain too. I just assumed it was all normal. Until I spent the 2nd half of my drive to work hunched over at the wheel this morning. I decided to use my first Free Call pass to the nurses at my OB's office, who informed me that it definitely sounded like a UTI, but that I'd need to go to Urgent Care because both my OB and my family physician (same office) are on vacation for 2 weeks.
Um, no? Turns out saying "no" can have it's advantages. They hooked me up with another OB in town who called me in a prescription and all was well:)
Now let's just hope this really is a UTI and not something like water behind the kidneys (the dangers of Googling while pregnant). I'll take my chances.
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