2.23.09

We did it!! And, even better, we loved it!!

So this morning went great-- she took her 5am bottle and went back to sleep. We had to leave at 7:15 and she was sound asleep, so I just put her in her carseat, still in her jammies and took her clothes for her to change into at school.

She slept the whole way there and transitioned over very easily. She took a bottle a little after 8, played for an hour and went to sleep... on her back! She's been only sleeping on her side, but I told her teachers to give her back a try since she is normally propped against something on her side and we can't do that there... so I am very happy she was fine, reflux and all.

I thought I'd be itching to go by 11:30, but at 12:05, my director and I were chatting away in the office and I felt so calm and relaxed. I think today was the first time in 9 weeks that I've done something-- anything-- without feeling rushed. I knew Lilly was in good hands and was doing great. I picked her up about 12:10 and she was a little fussy, but calmed down as soon as she was in my arms and conked out within 1 minute.

I'm sure the constant noise was a little irritating for her, but it will also allow us to have some alone, quiet time together right when we get home, which she and I both really enjoyed today. I am just so proud of her... and I feel full of life again:)

I'll do 8-12 the rest of this week and then 12-4 next week before starting full time again, which I am very glad about. I wasn't so sure about giving up 2 weeks of maternity leave in order to transition, but now I am glad I'm doing it this way.

Oh! And I only peeked in on her twice... and both times she was PLAYING with toys that I guarentee she would ignore at home. It was fun to see! (It was kind of like "wellll, I guess I'm on my own now... hmm, what are these shiny things?!")

I can't get over how exhausted she is. I really think this is going to do wonders for her sleeping and will get her closer to STTN than if she and I were home alone day after day. And best of all, Matt and I had a lovely evening with her, just soaking up every ounce of cuteness and marvelling at how grown up she seems.

And dare I say that I've missed her during all this sleeping... I just want to go in her room, pull up a chair and rub her back, stroke her hair, stare at her... . I miss my sweet patootie:)

2.23.09

I found this letter lying on Lilly's diaper bag this morning...


Dear Lilly,

Today is the first day of child care for you. If you need anything, don't be afraid to cry out as Mommy works there as the assistant director. Although other people will now start to help care for you, do not ever forget that no one can love you as much as Mommy and I do.

Love,
Daddy



melting...

2.22.09

How did


become



How?

Tomorrow is the day I couldn't wait for during the long, sleepless, colicky nights... when daytime and nighttime all blurred together into one, along with feedings, naps and diaper changes. Oftentimes I didn't even know what day it was and I considered myself on top of things when my teeth were brushed, my underwear were clean and my hoodie matched my sweatpants. I didn't know how on earth I would get to the end of February, but I knew that by the time this date rolled around, we would be past the bad stuff and onto the stuff that makes hearts melt. Or at least I was counting on it.

So as I rocked Lilly after her bedtime bottle tonight and the fine little fuzzies on her head tickled my nose and she serenaded me with her precious eating sounds, my heart wilted in sadness thinking that tomorrow is the day that she becomes a big girl.

I don't want to leave my baby tomorrow. No one in the world could love her as much as her daddy and I do. No one else knows how to hold her, belly to belly, in just the right way to calm her into a peaceful sleep. Or the way she likes to have her back rubbed during tummy time. Or that when she grunts right after lying down in her crib it means she needs to burp onnnnne more time. Or that she only likes a pacifier in her mouth occasionally, and when she does she only likes it for a couple minutes, but during those couple minutes she needs us to hold it for her. Sure, these are all things I can tell her fill-in mommies tomorrow, but it's just. not. the same.

This afternoon I despairingly packed her bag, labeled her bottles, found just the right pillow to put under her mattress, and filled out all the forms I've been putting off for days. When I got to "Name: " I couldn't see through my tears to fill in "Lillian Curtis, Sweet Baby Girl, My Gift from God, My Everything. Please Be Good To Her"

And yet, after I hand her over to Crystal and Marissa at 8am sharp and walk the ten steps over to my office, knowing full well that I am blessed beyond comparison to have my daughter just steps away, in wonderfully caring hands, I know I will cry. I know my heart will wilt a bit more. I know that 12:00 won't come soon enough. What I don't know is at what time I crossed the line from loving my daughter to loving her so much it hurts.

2.20.09

Yuck. Shots today.

Thankfully she's only getting 2 of them, but still. It's bringing back images of her zillion heel sticks when she was in the hospital. I hope it's quick and painless... and that the next day or so go smoothly. We're at the end of our time alone together and I don't want it to be miserable for her.

2.19.08

Dear Lilly,

Two months ago today I woke up in my hospital room to see a red-faced, sleepy-eyed, warm little bundle staring at me from her isolette at the foot of my bed. It's hard to believe how far you've come in 64 days of life.

You now grab on to everything your little fingers can find, whether it be the neck of my shirt as I lower you into the bathtub (screaming), my hair as you wiggle your fingers while drifting off to sleep on my shoulder or the inside of your sleeve as I try desperately to slide it over your teeny hands without hurting you.

The spindles on the loft and staircase continue to provide hours of entertainment, as does the ceiling fan and lights. Sometimes I'll turn flashlight on and shine it at the wall for your eyes to follow.

Your tummy troubles are much more under control now, despite your projectile vomit (all over me, thank you) right before getting your bath a few nights ago. Mommy still can't believe that the pharmacy made such a horrific mistake with your Zantac prescription. I think I will feel guilty about that one forever... yes, as you walk down the aisle one day I'll be thinking "Ohhh, the Zantac!"

Speaking of walking down the aisle... Mommy and Daddy have a few prospects for you. As it stands there are 3, and only 3 suitable boys for you to one day date and marry.

Daddy's co-worker has a little boy named Anterro who was born on the day that our first little baby was expected to arrive. Daddy thinks the best career path for you would be to become the first lady president, after marrying Anterro, and then Elizabeth, Seth, Daddy and I will all move into the White House with the two of you. And the dogs, of course.

Next is Mommy's dear friend Suzie's little munchkin, Leo. I know right now he lives in Los Angeles, but let me tell you darling, he was just signed by Ford Model company... and it's no surprise. He is downright precious. Plus, Mommy and Suzie have been planning your marriage for some time.

And finally, we have a question mark. A BIIIIG question mark, that is. You see, Mommy and Daddy's dear friends Lisa and David have been trying to have a baby for many, many years. They, too, have had many sad days in their lives. This September, they will be welcoming either a Little Lisa or a Little David into the world. If it's a Little David, Daddy and I decided this would be a fantastic arrangement. All of the in-laws would get along great and you will learn someday that this is quite rare.

So, my darling, as you see Mommy has spent many days dreaming of your future. I try to soak up every moment of the here and now, but it's hard not to let my imagination wander when I look into your beautiful eyes full of such potential. But no matter what, Mommy and Daddy will always love you. Even if you decide to become a nun and marry God. The wedding won't be quite the same, but I'm sure we can come up with something fantastic:)

I love you more and more every day.

Love,
Mommy

2.18.09

I just google imaged a topic I'm too embarrassed to share with y'all and was taken to Baby Snap Portraits. I did a double take when I saw the photo of the baby at the top of the page. It looks just like Lilly!





OK, now that it's on my blog, I don't see it quite as much. But I'm telling you, when I saw this, I thought someone stole my daughter for a minute when wasn't looking.


Also, my brother and sister-in-law had the most adorable photos taken of their little Owen (remember, same bday as Lillers?) where the photographer put him in a crocheted cocoon as well as different ceramic bowls. They turned out so adorable!

The other day I was searching etsy for a crocheted hat for Lilly to wear in her 3-month photos and kept seeing all these cute little crocheted cocoons for photography props. And the bowls? They were in a handful of the google image pictures that came up when I searched for said mystery topic.

Quite the phenomenon. Someone came up with one heck of an adorable idea and it appears to be sweeping the baby nation.

Ironically, our photogapher emailed me a link to an etsy crocheted hat she's thinking of purchasing as a prop... we hadn't even discussed etsy or hats together. I'm thinking of buying her one as a thank you for offerring to waive all of Lilly's portrait fees for the rest of her life in exchange for being cute. Ha, who could argue?

Here is an example of what I ordered Lilly... just like the bottom middle beanie, only with a cream flower. If you like what you see, check out seller LilyKnitting for more of her cute work! (And only Lilly's cheesey mother would see the connection between getting my Little Beansie a beanie from LilyKnitting.)



And now, to ramble a little more, my mom is coming to visit for a few days. This afternoon we are going to a cute little quilt shop so I can look dreamily at all the fabric I have no time to do anything with and patterns I'll never have time to use on the fabric I'll never have time to do anything with.

But THEN we're going to a yarn shop. I haven't knit or crochted anything since college and all these cute baby beanies, as well as Ariana from Becoming Mom, have inspired me. How hard can they be?!?

And to tout etsy a little more, I finally picked out some pretty things to go on Lilly's nursery walls, now that there is SO MUCH ROOM in there without the queen-sized bed taking up so much cotton picking space. Here's what I went with, made from recycled paper, from seller artandphilanthropy:





Their names are "Birds on a Wire", "Three Trees" and "Turtle Family". I can't wait to see them!

As you can see, I really need to go back to work so I quit sitting around buying insanely adorable stuff.

2.17.09

I am married to such a goofball. Thankfully that's one of the things I love most about him, so hey, it's a win-win! I wish I could be half as quick and witty as he is. Or maybe I'll just hope that Lilly inherited his silly genes. After all, we don't call her Silly Lilly for nothing.

Examples:

While on a walk with Lilly and Midas a couple days ago...

Me: I think I still want to have 4 kids.

Matt: I think you're still crazy.

Me: You're the one who already wants another.

Matt: Yeah, 1 more.

Me: Let's just have 17 more, like the Duggars.

Matt: You better find yourself 16 more husbands.

-OR-

Last night, when I woke up at 4am starving for the 3rd night in a row...

Me: Weezie...

Matt: Hmfeeze?

Me: I'm starving again.

Matt: Order a pizza!


OK, maybe I find him funnier than you will or maybe you had to be there. At any rate, I now bring you "The Sweet Sounds of Lillian Rebecca". Please ignore her father's psychodelic attempt at making viewers vomit. And ignore my inability to quit laughing. FOCUS ON THE BABY.