1.30.08

I was given a glorious gift today. NO SCHOOL! And even gloriouser? Matt didn't have school either! And guess why. Neither of us had power at our school, which is a total coincidence (or maybe a super nice gift from God) because our schools are an hour away from each other and no one else got the day off. (And the gloriousest of all? I only got to the Rte. 33 exit before finding out I was closed, so I didn't end up driving all the way to work for nothing!) We laid around in bed, watched tv, read, went out to lunch, went to the library... and it's not over yet. I love today:)

1.29.08

Call it hormones, call it being a softy... but whatever the reason, this commercial gets me choked up everytime.

1.28.08

I had no idea how hard it was going to be to keep this gigantic secret from everyone, especially at work. I had a minor issue this morning that required a visit to my girly doctor, which for people who have desk jobs or jobs that don't require other people to count on them on a minute-by-minute basis isn't too huge of a deal, but when you're a teacher, leaving at 11am on a Monday morning with no previous notice is a little odd. Especially when you co-teach. And ESPECIALLY when you let your director know you need to make a doctor's appointment and would it be OK if if they can only get you in that morning and her response is "if it's not a pressing issue, later this week would be better." Wellll, this was a pressing issue, so out the door I went only to return to a dozen questions. I squelched their curiosity with a quick "You don't want to know," which seriously they did not want to know.

But praise the Lord for getting me in and out so quick that I was back to school exactly one hour after I left. The only problem was that I returned SO quickly that one teacher asked me who I go to that did such a speedy job. When I told her my doctor's name she said "OH, no way! She's one of my professors!" And within 1.3 seconds, her eyes dropped to my stomach. Nothing to see here, folks:)

1.27.08

Look what arrived at my door yesterday afternoon:) I am blessed with amazing friends... thank you so much, Lisa!!



The message read:

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." -Rajneesh

I, of course, became a teary mess:)

...I had actually convinced myself this morning that I was no longer pregnant because I don't feel pregnant in any way. I know it's early, but I want to feel some sort of confirmation that the poppy seed inside of me is alive and growing! Morning sickness, fatigue, sore boobs... I'll take it:) That being said, Matt agreed another test might make me feel better. So after church I peed on yet another stick and waited... and waited.. and waited. And prayed... and prayed... and prayed, just as I had on Friday night. Positive! Tomorrow I can call my doctor and go in to confirm with a blood test. I believe she told me Matt should come to either than one or the next one to interview the OB/GYNs in the office, as she is a nurse practitioner and won't be able to deliver our baby. Too bad, because I really like her. Plus any time I can reduce the number of people I have to flash my girly parts to, I'm game!

1.25.08

****OK, if I could set this post to private, I would (can I?), but since I don't think I can and I want this blog record every moment of my TTC journey, I'm posting it. Please don't share this news with anyone, especially family members. Suzanne, I know that'll be impossible to keep from Andy, so you do what you have to do and I'll understand:) I'm not even telling my mom right now. Soooooo...


Today my life changed. I. Am. Pregnant!!! After taking a Dollar Store test* on a whim at 11 dpo, (also a neg on 8dpo and 10 dpo), I took the test upstairs to my desk so I could get started on some writing while I waited. About 10 minutes later, I remembered the test was waiting for me. I looked once and thought "another neg, just as I figured" but then I glanced again and lo and behold I saw the faintest of a faint line. I held it up to the light, I held it away from the light, I turned it upside down, I laid it flat on the desk. There it was... I thought! I took a picture to email to Lisa for a second opinion. The picture showed a faint line on my camera, but not on the uploaded copy. I posted it on thenest.com BOTB message board and received a whopping 22 replies! Some said "no line", most said "congratulations!" One woman even inverted the colors in my photo to enhance the faint line a little more!

I decided to pick up a digital pregnancy test for a second opinion, even though I really should have waited to test in the morning. I just couldn't resist! Matt won't be home until very late tonight as he is on duty at the boy's Friday night basketball game. Sure enough, the digital test, after displaying a spinning hourglass for a couple minutes, read "Pregnant". I died. I jumped up and down, I spun around, I covered my mouth, and I re-read the test at least a dozen times in that first minute.

I immediately called Lisa, who I had talked to in the car on my way home from the store, and shared my very exciting news. She is also trying to conceive so I felt privileged to have such an understanding girlfriend to confide in. My next call was to Matt's cousin Debbie (after calling twice and reaching her husband, Matt, he asked me "Are you really that bored on a Friday night?!") I then left her a voicemail as she was "getting the hair ripped off her lip" at the moment of my call. But when she returned my call her first words were "You're pregnant, aren't you?!" She and Matt had it figured out already:) She then shared with me her pregnancy advice, stories from her pregnancies with Luke and Julia, retrieved her copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," and offerred to accompany me to any doctor's visits that Matt is unable to make it to. How exciting:)

As I sit here, still checking the pregnancy test for fear that it will change its mind, I am in awe of the baby growing inside of me. God has chosen this child's eye color, finger prints, hair (my blonde curls or Matt's soft, straight, dark locks?), skin tone (Mommy's fair skin that burns every summer or Daddy's handsome dark, year-round tan that makes anyone jealous?)... God has decided everything about this sweet child that is just a wee little spec tonight.

And then worry begins to creep in. Will the pregnancy stick? Will my baby be healthy? Can we really afford such a huge life change? HOW DO I TELL MATT???

But the worry fades away when I glance back at the screen still reading "Pregnant". How very lucky am I? I am having a baby. God loves me so much He is giving me a sweet child to carry, deliver and raise to do awesome things in this world. I am already so proud.

So tonight when Matt comes home, I have a big, glorious secret to share with him. I pray that he accepts the news happily, but I also ask the Lord to give him confidence, security and peace in the blessing He has given upon us. Life is awesome!

*Dollar store tests are among the most sensitive HPTs on the market, so don't waste your $$ on the big kahunas until you mostly need confirmation.

1.23.08

Whenever I tell someone I'm trying to get pregnant, the most common response is for that person to point out that "it will happen when it's the right time." Hearing this is like listening that one family member or friend who tells you the same story a dozen times, and every time asks "Have I told you this already?" But even after you nod and giggle that yes, they have, they continue on (and will inevitably bring it up next time you see them). I almost brace myself for it now. And every time I tell myself that I'm done sharing my business. I just don't understand it. Do they feel they are shedding valuable light on the issue or do they just not know what to say so they default to the old standby?

I'm sure I'm guilty of saying it to someone in my past, but I can honestly say I'll never make that mistake again! It just feels like such a slap in the face or like I'm being scolded for being anxious as if I'm trying for too much too soon. Without proper training (check back after a year of trying unsuccessfully and THEN I'll give you awkward sympathy!). As if I'm trying to fly a plane. I know the people who tell me this love me very much and don't intend for their comments to make me feel this way. Not in the least! I want to see that second line more than anything in the world right now, so I probably won't be satisfied with any response other than "damn, getting pregnant is a bitch!"

1.22.08

Connecticut was soooo fun! We flew into Massachusetts, drove to Connecticut and, since Mystic was only 8 miles from Rhode Island, we went there too! (Why not?) Mystic was so cute and now I want to live there. Have you seen Baby Boom with Dianne Keaton? She packs up her NYC bigwig life and moves to Vermont with a rosy-cheeked-inherited-2-yr-old girl where she buys a farm house, sight unseen, with an apple orchard and a pond and a well. And what does she do? She picks apples all day and makes baby applesauce. I'm sold. I'm taking my dog and my husband and I'm movin' to New England!! I wish, anyway. It's a little expensive there.

But the pizza at Mystic Pizza was yummy, despite some negative reviews. The photos on the walls were really fun, especially one with a man in underoos right next to our table. As a group of 10 year old girls was leaving, one of them ran over and was all "OH MY GOSH, LOOK!!" She ran up to it, pointing and giggling while her poor dad just kept walking. I tried distracting them with a picture on the OTHER wall, but they were totally into the package:)

Also, there were one zillion teenage girls at our hotel for a dance competition, which I mean, I don't need to tell you how we felt about that. Thanks to their noisy mouths, we were upgraded to a penthouse room with access to a nice little high rollers lounge... only we got kicked out when we tried to use it bc it was "at capacity". What the heck ever. I complained nicely and just like that, our room service breakfast from that morning was taken care of and the next day's breakfast was paid in advance:) Hooray! We will definitely returning to Mystic AND we'll definitely stay at the Marriot again:)

And now, for pictures...

1.19.08

The last couple days, I've been thinking my chart looks pretty promising, but then today's temp dipped below the coverline and it's too early for an implantation dip, so I don't know what that means. Maybe nothing. But I liked the temps going up each day a lot better than a sudden dip. I have about a week until I can test.

We're leaving for CT this morning and I'm so steeenking excited. Matt has been working til 10 or 11:00 each night, putting in roughly 16 hour days, which is hard on a person! Especially teachers/administrators (or both at the same time!) who don't get paid by the hour. So I know he is really looking forward to getting away with not much planned, other than relaxing and eating! Mystic appears to be pretty mellow this time of year (mellow might be an understatement) so we can hang around without feeling like we should dash around doing it all. Just give me some pizza and beer for what will hopefully be my last weekend of drinking for the next 9 months:) (Oh yeah, the no more drinking resolution? Failed.)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Jeez, three posts in one day. I should stay home more often!

But seriously, everyone knows one of these d*bags... and some of us get the fortunate blessing of working with them. (You do? Becuase I actually work with 17 of them. Not really, just kidding) This cracked me up...



which reminded me of this...



so...

We took down our Christmas tree the other night...



Cutest 90lb fluffball ever. You don't have to agree:)

1.17.08

"Juno" was really good! I had to leave with about 25 minutes left in the movie thanks to the previews that went on forrrevverrr, so when it comes out on DVD I'll have to see how it ends. I highly recommend it! Only, don't go see it before a church meeting because when people ask "So how was the movie?" everyone else will ask "What movie did you see?" And Juno is not the kind of movie you want church people to know you paid money to see... by yourself.

I'm home sick today, which sucks because, duh, who likes being sick? But I visited my doctor in record time this morning (called at 8:45, was there at 9:02, saw the doc, dropped off my prescription and was home by 9:30. Woah!) and will have meds whenever I drag it back to CVS to get them. But it also sucks because its always seems like sick days, when you're all grown up, turn into "get everything done that you can't normally do during the week" days. By 8am, I already had a to-do list 7 items long. One of those items is "write articles" and I'm proud to say that after writing "How to Group People in Wedding Photos" I only have "How to Pick the Best Bike Shorts Crotch Liner" and "How to Join a Nudist Club" and I can totally check off that bad boy from my list:) (seriously, what in the world?)

Also, it's snowing again. The weekend forecast here is calling for a high of 14 degrees. FOURTEEN! The weekend forecast for Mystic says highs of 38, 25 and 27, which seems warm and cozy compared to f-f-f-fourteen.

1.16.08

Going to see this after work tonight:



I've never gone to a movie by myself, but I have 2 hours to kill between work and a meeting... and I really want to see it... and I'm sure Matt does NOT... so I'm going solo! I figure I'll probably be the only one there at 4:30 on a Wednesday anyhhow;)

1.14.08

And now comes the 2 week wait where I interpret everything as a pregnancy symptom:)

I'm just happy I can quit shaving my legs for a few days!

1.13.08

So Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera both welcomed their bebes into the world on Friday (at the same hospital, too)! Regardless of what you think of them as mommas, you've got to admit... a baby is precious no matter who it came out of!!

Yay babies!

1.12.08

I got a positive!!! It's only a positive ovulation test, but I'll take it! After 3 months of nothing but negative ovulation and pregnancy tests, it's glorious to finally pee on something that turns positive:) WOO HOO!

1.9.08

I've been working at our church for 7 months now and it's still so strange to be carrying on about my day, and pass through the lobby, glance into the Worship Center en route to the restroom and at the end of the aisle will be a cakset. Opened ones, especially. I've been to plenty of open-casket funerals, but I think you could go to one every day of your life and still never be comfortable around a deceased body.

But being at work, where hundreds of kids are walking to the cafeteria for lunch, passing through the hallways on their way to their next class or heading outside to the playground and then glancing over to witness a funeral in progress just seems so... out of place. It feels really disrepectful. That's somebody's son or brother or Dad or best friend. And here we are, justing carrying on as usual while so many others are distraught with grief.

As we took our kids out to the playground we actually had to use the doors the hearse was parked outside of. The funeral procession wrapped all the way down and around the playground. Surprisingly, not a single child asked what was going on (this has happened before and, surprisngly, no one asked then either). Although they all seem very comfortable with the idea of dying. They love to talk about their pets, grandparents, and sadly even a big sister who have passed away. I wish we could all hold on to that innocent, unsuspecting, rapid-healing vision of life's sad moments. To be a child again, and be fixed with a tickle, a band-aid and a round of Candyland...

1.6.08

I survived:) It wasn't too bad, actually. Aside from the normal annoyances, I might even go so far as to say I had a good time. I really think the key is hosting the get togethers at our house, on our turf. I'm much more relaxed because I can always find something to do, whether it's dishes, sweeping, cooking, etc. And this time I bought a puzzle to work on, thinking I'd be the only one working on it, so I could at least escape to that instead of staring at ESPN for hours at a time. But surprisingly, everyone got into the puzzle and it was a good way to do something together with minimal awkwardness. So hooray for that:)

On a baby note, since this is now a babyish blog, we are coming up on the big week of babydancing! I honestly had no idea, up until about a year ago, how scientific and precise conception is. I thought that when you wanted to have a baby, you just had lots of sex and, according to my health teacher, it only takes one time anyway, so chances are you'd get knocked up just like that. Wrong! I've been charting my temps and such on FertilityFriend.com and they even send me a daily "Conception" course lesson, including a QUIZ, basically so that all romance can be completely zapped and replaced with visions of ovum, follicles, egg whites, and scenes from Look Who's Talking (you know the one). There's so much to think about! And just when I decide that I'm not going to be one of those women who gets crazy and holds her husband hostage for a babymaking quickie 2 minutes before he leaves for work because LOOKOUT, I JUST GOT A POSITVE OVULATION TEST* and I might be done by the time we get home from work, I remember how true that statement really is and it's kind of a hit or miss deal. Hit it now or wait until next month, which is not the most appealing option for impatient people like me.

Anyway, in an effort to maximize our chances, I've decided to lay off Granddad's cough syrup. It's part of the whole "healthy diet" stuff I'm supposed to embrace anyway, so I figure it's a good thing. Drinking isn't as fun as it used to be anyway and it really just makes me fatter, so what's the point? Especially since I don't have to see my in-laws for a while now:)

*You're actually supposed to test mid-day, so don't take me seriously or you'll be sorrrry! And I'll feel bad. Not that you'd replace factual data with my crap from my sorry blog anyway. At least I hope not!

1.4.08

In-laws coming tomorrow.

Long, exaggerated inhale. Aaaaaand exhale.

I try so hard to like them, I do. I try so hard to simply tolerate them, but even that proves impossible most days. I just don't get them or any of their hairbrained ideas of what is normal/acceptable/humane/appropriate/fillintheblank. And they treat me like a sacka crap, which I tend not to enjoy, especially after spending countless hours shopping for, then wrapping the *perfect* gifts for each of them after unsuccessfully swearing up and down that I will NOT be shopping for Matt's family this year (and seriously, if we have to buy Christmas presents for one more of my SIL's boyfriends, I'm regifting Christmas cookies and calling it a night).

And so tomorrow I will put on a happy face when they arrive at our door commenting on the weather (while Midas growls and snarls ferociously at them and I smile a victorious smile inside), grit my teeth when my MIL brings up "Matt's" money, and bite my tongue when she asks me if I made the pie crust myself (hell no?). And when Sunday afternoon pleasantly arrives, I'll thank the sweet Baby Jesus that it's all over. Until next time.

1.3.08

While doing a little lunch-time shopping today, I happened upon some maternity swimwear. Despite Matt's uncertainty of why in the world I'd want to go through the summer big and pregnant, I'm praying for a September wee one, which would take me straight through the dog days of summer, bump and all. So I'll be honest, I threw it in reverse and meandered through the bumpwear and was sadly disappointed to see what lycra disasters baby mommas-to-be are expected to wear pool/beach/lake side. It's no wonder so many gutsy mommas throw on their pre-pg bikinis and bare all! Can't say I'll be one of them, but then again baring all is not a good look for me, pregnant or otherwise:)

1/1/08

I'm back! My not-so-new-anymore job has put a huge damper on everything internet. If it can't be done between 6:09 and 6:17am M-F, then it probably won't happen at all. BUT, since the whole point of starting this blog was to write daily AND since today is that special day of making promises you probably won't keep, I'm promising to be a better blogger. Starting today. (ending Friday?)

I do, however, have one resolution that I hope beyond all hopes I can achieve this year and that is to have a BABY! I'm now joining the countless baby bloggers and giving this blog a little direction. Bebes. We've unoffically been trying for the last 2 months, but now it's time to get surrrious. And trying to get pregnant? Can be pretty comical. And these moments deserve to make others laugh too.

So... send some baby dust my way so Little Weezies can make its debut in 2008!